3:26 AM and I can't sleep. My shift has ended four and a half hours ago and ther next one will be at 2PM later. I am with Emor at the office lounge on the 21st floor. I just couldn't take the cold temprature of the room. I think Emor has already turned the AC off but still it feels it didn't change a bit.
Emor is sleeping quite well. He's nonchalant to the coldness of the room with his arms inside his shirt like a kid on a stroller. He's really cute when he sleeps. I have had a moment just staring at him from my lazy boy. Argh! This should stop. I have to stop. We talked about Jeff, another officemate (who we think is gay though he has a girlfriend of 3 years), who was totally, i think, hitting on him last night. Ouch! Emor likes him. Well, if he would be forced to like somebody from the group that is. Not me. Waaaa...
We also kinda talked about his ideal guy and like I said in my previous posts, it ain't got anything I have. More reason to stop dreaming about him.
*****
From H&K:
no, i don't think it's the right way, because it's not what i want to be the right way... the thing that just really hurt me the most is the fact that you never cried for me... just proves that i am not as special as you think i am, you can say it's pathetic but in the meantime that's all i have....I dunno whatelse to do. I want to preserve the friendship, if ever there is left. I love him and I don't want him to go away. He's right. I am unfair. I keep telling him how much I miss him, how much I love him. And it hurts, I know. I should know. I can be a bitch at times, well a lot of times. And I am really sorry for that. Maybe I should just leave him alone. Maybe it's for the better. But I can't! (*Now I am wrestling with myself.)
Going into a commitment with him ain't a plan anymore. I love him and I want/need him as a friend. I feel were gonna get along well.
I just hope he realizes that soon. But whatever he decides, I will respect it, or try to find a way to do respect it.
****
Okay. I'll go downstairs for a cigarette break. It's friggin freezing in here. I think my blood is beginning to turn into red ice.
More about this later...
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3 comments:
see? u keep sayin u can't commit pero even if u don't say u wanna have a commitment with Emor and ur ex... it's pretty obvious u want to, that's why i can't understand u more, i know i'd never be good enough for u, the only time i was, was when i was fresh for you.... i'm jealous, yah obvoiusly i am and i know i don't have the right to....
ei, this one's pretty harsh sorry, i wasn't able to control myself... forgive me...
argh! forgiven. love you still.
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