I KISSED MARVIN LAST NIGHT...

Haven't got enough sleep. Argh! My head's spinning. Haven't eaten lunch yet coz my apetite left me hours ago. Talk about life!

So I am two hours early to work as usual. I was planning to eat lunch atb Top and Tables but like I said, I lost m,y apetite. On my way here I got myself a Pepsi cola. Maybe that's why I don't feel hungry anymore. I guess I'd have to eat something on my way to CitiBank (my office building).

***

Marvin said he has moved on. That hurt. It hates when you can't control what's happening around you. Especially with relationships, with the ones you love. (Bhe can relate to this I suppose. My fault.) One minute they're there and the next minute they'll break up with you through an email. Argh! With Marvin, I hate it that he has moved on as swiftly as the wind that touches every one of us, leaving tears in our eyes and a tint of pain inside. He has/had moved my world in a way that nobody ever did before. He woke me up from my false beliefs against love then after two and a half months, punched me back to sleep.

Why does it have to be this way? I am sure you have asked that question before. It maybe not because of heartache but of something else. The truth is, I don't know either. There is no way to know the truth. Pain and suffering are part of the grand design of life. If only we could play God for even a minute. If ever we could get ourselves into a time capusle and fly our way back to the past, change everything our way. But we can't. We just can't. All we could do is hope and pray to the heavens that tomorrow will bring us happiness and joy, to hope that tomorrow, a beautiful guy (someone we can actually love and spend forever with) will nudge us from behind and say, "I think I found the one."

Ahhhh... What am I saying? Again?! I have heard this a zillion times already... from me.

I dreamt of Marvin last night. With his new haircut (more like hairless) and his beautiful smile. We kissed and hugged each other tight. And I told him how I miss him, how I still love him. Then... I woke up. It was already 5 in the morning. Time to go home.