OKTOBERFEST NA!

San Miguel Oktoberfests are being held everywhere lately. Just last night there was one at SM North Edsa parking lot, which is just like 10 minutes away from here. I could have easily hailed a bus and walahhh! I would have been celebrating with a lot of drunkards and basag-ulo’s last night.

I remember the first and only time I went in one of those Oktoberfests. That was just last year when it was celebrated at SM Megamall (rumor has it that this mall is the third largest in Asia). I was with Ibs and his orgmates (organization mates). The organization had a booth set-up, which sold beer and foods, etc. The first few hours were okay. I was actually having fun just watching the people drinking beer after beer, looking for gorgeous guys and selling the items that we had. And since we were so far away from the stage where live bands were playing rock music and stuff, we didn’t see a thing.

Then the night went deeper and the crowd was becoming bigger. Bigger that it was hard to move around especially when you are going to the portable comfort rooms. We had to endure a lot of bad-smelling, sweaty, noisy, drunk people on our way out the place just to relieve ourselves at Seattle’s Best.

We had this girl who would I say pretty. She had this pretty small dress on with her boobs almost peeping out and greeting every costumer we had. And I think she liked the attention so we just let her do her stuff. Good enough, we sold so many beers because of her. But the downside was, there were so many guys, old and young, ugly and gorgeous, out side our booth asking for her name, number and other demographics. Haha… this made the other members agitated because they, including me, thought these drunkards were harassing her. But she was so fine with it (the harassment) that we eventually gave in.

The people inside the booth became more agitated as the night grew deeper. The supposedly happy festivity was slowly becoming a disaster for all of us. And Ibs was growing so disconcerted. So the group decided to pack up and go home. Since we borrowed some ice buckets from the management (who was so lame at managing the crowd), Ibs and I went to the side of the stage to return it and get my ID, which we left lieu in of the ice buckets. But these big, muscled, sorta-bouncer guys wouldn’t let us near the stage. We tried to enter the barricade they have made around the stage but we couldn’t get it. We tried to ask for someone who we could talk to but these bouncers didn’t know anything. It was like they were all muscles and no brain. Not even a little. I was keeping my cool coz Ibs was nearing explosion. And you would not want to see Ibs explode. God, she can be so scary. Though deep inside I was really worried because if I couldn’t claim my school ID, I couldn’t enter libraries, and might not even take the finals, which were in the same month. And Ibs knew that.

After several attempts looking for someone who actually knew stuff, I told Ibs to just bring home the buckets and claim my ID the following day. He wasn’t as keen to the idea as I am but hey, we didn’t have any choice that moment.

We were about to leave the place when out of nowhere, somebody called my name. Haha! Am I lucky or what! It was Michelle, a classmate I had in PE (Philippine Games). And she was inside the barricade. I asked her what she was doing there and it turned out her boyfriend is the lead vocal of the band playing. So a big smile came upon my face and I told her about our dilemma. She hurriedly looked fro someone (management) and poof! She got my ID back and they got their ice buckets.

After that I was hoping Ibs would be lifted from his maelstrom of agitation and anxiety. But he wasn’t. Then the first cab driver asked for an additional fee because, according to him, our destination was so far, which made Ibs even more frantic. We got out of the cab and looked for another one. Fortunately we found one immediately.

As we were riding the cab I tried to make Ibs smile, you know, just to relieve the tension that was building up, you could cut even pinch it.

Okay lang yun. Tawa naman dyan. (It is okay. Just smile for me, would you?)
Please stop! Please, it’s not you. It’s me okay!

And I was thrown aback. The rest of the ride home was silent and the tension was blowing up faster than the cab itself.

When we got home Ibs said sorry. And I took it. I shouldn’t blame him really. The circumstances called for him to act like that. I understand him. Though I so wanted to scream and act the way he did when we were behind the stage, I kept my cool and acted like it was okay. It wasn’t really okay. I never lost a school ID before coz I know it would take months to process and get another one. And the finals were coming and teachers usually asked examiners for IDs.
You see, the things I went through because of that Oktoberfest (OctoberPEST I should say). So last night wasn’t really a why-did-I-miss-it thing. I had more fun doing my laundry, watching TV and listening to FM.

CAB DRIVERS' BULLSHIT!

CLEVER CAB DRIVERS
1:21AM
07 OCTOBER 2004

Talk about clever cab drivers. Just last Wednesday, after having coffee and watching A Sharks’s Tale (which was really really funny and Christina Aguilera was there) we decided to go to his place so I can rest and he could start with his assignments. You see, the night before, I didn’t have enough sleep. And we met at around 10:30AM, minutes after the mall opened.

So we hailed the first cab. When H&K told him the address we were heading to, the driver declined. Said there was a heavy traffic in that area. Which was like a big crap. That’s why we were taking a cab rather than a jeepney because cabs can roam every street to avoid traffic. I bet the real reason he declined was because of the address. San Juan, Tondo, Manila. Tondo is known for criminals and such. Well, a lot of Filipino movies featured the place as that. I would say even I would be afraid to go to that place. Just hearing its name brings up bad thoughts.

And then we hailed the second one. Same excuse.

Then the third one. Fortunately (rather unfortunately as you would see later on) he agreed to take us to the address. We were relieved and happy. Finally we could just sit back and go home with ease and comfort. I had a small talk with the driver as I usually do, especially when I ride alone, so I would feel comfortable. Then after a few minutes, the driver said something in a low voice. We asked what it was and he repeated it in the same manner. We still didn’t get it so we asked again.

250 na ha! Traffic kasi eh. (Pay me 250 bucks coz there’s a heavy traffic in that area)
What!? Manong naman. Wala po kaming perang ganun kalaki. (We don’t have enough money.)
Kanina ko pa sinasabi, kala ko narinig nyo na ako. (I have been telling you early on about this.)
Di naming narinig. Baba na lang po kami sa tabi. (We didn’t hear anything. We’ll just get off here.)

But unfortunately we were already in a flyover and the traffic was pretty bad. Then we looked at the taxi-meter and it wasn’t running.

Baba nyo na lang kami manong pagbaba ng tulay. Wala pala kayong metro. (Just drop us off after this flyover. You ain’t have a meter running.)
Napasubo na tayo sa traffic eh. Cge kahit dalawang daan na lang. (We are already in a heavy traffic. Okay, I’ll settle for 200 bucks.)
Nyeh! Wala pa nga pong isangdaan ang binabayad naming pag umuuwi kami eh. Baba nyo na lang kami manong paglampas nitong tulay. (Huh!? We usually pay less than a hundred when we take a cab going home. Just drop us off after the flyover, okay.)

After the flyover he stopped the vehicle in one corner. H&K was so irritated that he got off the cab as soon as it stopped. The driver asked for the flag-down rate of 25 bucks as a fee, for the trouble. I asked H&K for 25 bucks but he only left me 20 bucks. My money was all bills and in hundreds so I just gave the driver the 20 bucks.

Kulang ito. (This is not enough.)
Aba manong, buti
nga binayaran
pa naming kayo. Pwede naming kayong ireklamo kasi di kayo
nagmemetro. (You
should be happy we even paid you something. We could
notify the authorities
about you not using the taxi-meter.)

And I slapped the door as hard as I could. It was already raining when we got out of the cab. We stayed for a while at a waiting shed and after smoking a stick, I told him we should move on. The rain hasn’t stopped a bit but I insisted and then we ran to the nearest covered area, walked, went down an underpass then hailed a jeepney. Then we finally got home and H&K was still irritated when he remembers that taxi driver. I also got his plate number. Stored it in my phone so if ever something happened to us, heavens forbid, I have the number of the cab.

79 DAYS TO GO

I have been so busy doing my website for the past week. I have decided to include a link to my work section wherein you will find poems, stories, etc I did. Most are unedited though. That, I have got no time for. Hahaha...

So I am more or less satisfied with how my website looks. So it may take a while when something new will appear again. Of course, my blog will always be updated, so keep coming back aight!

Hmmm... 79 days to go before I turn 22. I am planning to spend it here in Manila rather than going home in the province. So that also means that I am gonna spend Christmas here, alone, like what i do for the past two years. I ain't really up for meeting old acquaintances from high school. Not just yet. Manila is where my heart is. Haha... What a passe!

And yes, I am really excited about your comments violent reactions suggestions etc. about the new version of this website. Keep those coming aight!

I love you all. Mwah! Hi, H&K. I love you so much!

FEELING GOOD FOR A NIGHT

Argh! Life. It’s Saturday and I can’t even leave the house. As usual, my wallet is way below zero. My brother already discovered I gave him the wrong ATM card after several attempts of wrong pins. Poor me, literally.

Did my laundry yesterday so my chores are already done. I also cleaned my room last night, lit on some scented candle to, obviously, make my room scented. Slept well too. The rain made it easier for me to fall into deep slumber. Woke up around 11AM, made a cup of coffee, bought myself a burger and faced the computer and started doing H&K’s webbie. But I got tired and so I am writing this entry.

Late afternoon yesterday, after the laundry, I went to Starbucks West Avenue and pampered myself with white iced chocolate mocha grande. Also tried to finish a book I have been promising to get done months ago but haven’t, still. Went home around 8PM and watched some TV. I browsed and browsed, like I always do when I don’t know what to do and I stumbled upon Swan, this reality show about making women feel beautiful and confident by performing lots of liposuction and other medical procedures and enhancements, a lot of therapy, physical training, etc. God, did it looked scary. I mean those needles and tubes and stitches! I really hate seeing blood, let alone seeing the insides of the body. Makes my tummy tumble.

So there were two women feeling sorry, plain-jenny, and ugly. They looked so devastated. One caught her husband cheating on her two and a half years during the marriage and only got the courage to divorce him after another one and a half years. But it was obvious she still loves him. On the duration of the transformation, which was three months all in all, she regularly called her ex-husband. The therapist was worried and eventually talked her out of it. Which, fortunately, she did. When the big reveal was on, I was shocked to see how BIG her transformation was. She ain’t just beautiful, physically, with her boobs almost peeking out of her gown, she also had the confidence she lacked before the transformation. And when she saw herself in the mirror after three months, she never stopped screaming. And I was left with my mouth open. I couldn’t wait for the next one to come out and show how her transformation went.

After a short commercial, the host (this beautiful lady, who I think went through the doctor’s needles too) came out. I was back on my seat, attentive. The next woman was revealed. She was perfect. Her story goes way back her childhood. She had this big-boned nose, which her classmates, bullies, ridiculed her for. It just left a big mark on her emotional state that she didn’t have the guts to do whatever she wants, one being a cheerleader. But there came a problem. Moments before the operation, she called her boyfriend hoping she would get support. She didn’t get it. She cried feeling all alone. And I was mad at his boyfriend, who was so not fit for her. She deserves someone better, physically.

So she went through the transformation without the support she was hoping she’d get from his asshole boyfriend. And after three months of intense therapy and going to the gym to gain weight, it was time for her big reveal. When the two, well groomed, guy opened the door, it was like a different, all-new girl came out. She was so beautiful and her smile was so different. It was like she was molded out perfectly, every bit of her body crafted. And her smile was confident. When she got the chance to see herself in the mirror after three months, tears came falling from her eyes and she just can’t stop staring at her reflection.

I was eyeing for her to win that night but the first girl got the prize. Nonetheless, she still was a winner. She got all what she ever wanted. And I think she deserved every stitch of it.

After watching that, I continued surfing and eventually Channel 2 caught my attention. It was showing Till there was you with Judy Ann and Piolo Pascual. I know this is so baduy and jologs but I actually liked the movie. I was instantly flown back in high school when shivers run through your body, when your eyes glow whenever your crush looks your way. It felt great to feel that way again. I wasn’t exactly sure why I got interested in the movie (knowing me, I hate Filipino movies and I’ll never be caught dead watching it in movie houses). Maybe it was the rain pouring outside which set the mood for some loving. And H&K was sending me SMS messages telling me how much he misses me. Argh! I hate to admit that. Just forget about this after you’re done, aight!

CAUGHT IN THE ACTSmoking in Makati

Here's the story.
I was in Makati earlier today, around 9AM, about to ride the MRT going home when I decided to buy myself something to eat and drink. I stayed at this area where posters warning about smoking were all over. So when I was done eating, I looked around and checked if anybody was smoking. And there was a guy who was and there weren't any policemen around so I got a stick from my pack and lit the cigarette.

I was enjoying my time, still sleepy from the trip to and fro Cavite, when a cop came out of nowhere. He said, Boss, may violation po kayo. Bawal po magyosi dito. Di nyo po ba nakita, ang daming warning signs? (Sir, you have a violation. This is a no smoking area. Haven't you see the many signs posted around?)Argh! I was so freaking embarassed. People came staring at me. And the bad news was, that guy I saw smoking already finished his stick and left. I wasn't even halfway through with my stick!

He asked for my ID. Fortunately I left my wallet at home so I told him that. He asked if I was working, I said no. Then he told me I would be fined a thousand bucks for the violation I have made. I was shocked. I didn't know it costs that much. I only had a hundred bucks left in my pocket.

I pleaded, almost cried. Then he said he could let me clean his patrol car. Duh!? No way. But of course, I didn't say it to his face. Instead, I put on my innocent, sad, teary-eyed face and continued pleading to let me go. I felt he was nice enough to puch more pleading. Then he called another cop, his partner I supposed. Cop 2 asked me where I live. I said I was from Manila but I just arrived from Cavite. Then as if putting me to more shame for what I did, he explained that in Manila, you can smoke anywhere, in Makati, you can't. I knew that of course. But I wasn't expecting I would be caught. I felt so stupid. And people where already coming in checking what was happening. I was a star! Hahaha.. Stupid star.

After a few minutes of playing innocent and stupid. They finally let me go. I almost hugged them. Argh! Thank God I didn't go to prison. Hahaha...

After that, I hurriedly went up the escalator to the MRT station and bought myself a ticket home. On my way, I couldn't stop grinning about what just happened. I am never gonna smoke in that place again, ever!

BACK TO BLACK AND PINK

Remember the first version of this website? The one entitled UNDER CONSTRUCTION? Hmmm... I am going back to the old color scheme of black and pink. I dunno, but I have this fascination with those colors.

I was on the process of doing the index page of my website yesterday and while I was doing the graphics, I stumbled upon my some old pictures I took during my last semester in college for the yearbook. You see, I was one of the photographers and graphic artists of our yearbook (did I just sound like a brag?). And when I was cutting and pasting and stuff, I remembered my old website, the one in pink and black. And I thought, why not do the thrid version with that scheme?. And so I am doing it that way.

The website might up and running in two weeks time at most. The graphics are taking me hours to finish. I want it to be perfect, beautiful and unique so I am busying myself with the design and stuff.

So all you people out there (well, at least those who come visit me here), wait for a big change in this website. And I do hope you will like it as much. Thank you!

FINGERS CROSSED

It is almost the end of the month and I still got no work. My parents are gonna kill me soon if I don't earn my own money. My brother even took my ATM card from me since I spend so much, even spending my brothers' allowance. He's the one doing the budget now. The funny thing is, I gave him my old ATM card instead of the other one where dad sends us money with. Haha... But still, I feel the need to get a job. I am desperate.

I thought out a lot of possibilities. Call centers excluded. I have never been luck passing through the first or second interviews. Seems like my voice ain't for the international market. Argh!

So here are my lists:

I am gonna try F of Studio 23. A PA or a writer/researcher perhaps.

I have contacted a friend from GMA 7. She asked me to send her my resume and she'll do her best to find me an opening. Thanks Karol.

Another friend, who works at Meg teen magazine, told me to drop by her office. She'll give me a referral. Mommy Florian, mwah!

Gonna try ABS CBN too. I am, at heart, a kapamilya.

If all else fails, I might be forced to go back to the province and bum myself to death which is like a bad thing. Worst even. Being a graduate and of UP at that, people expect a lot from me. So much more. I just hope I don't get in that situation where I'm gonna pack my stuff and sail back home. I hate that place.

But I am still on high hopes and I am keeping my fingers crossed.

TALK ABOUT NOTHING

I have got nothing interesting to say really. Just felt the urge to write something, especially now that I know a lot of you are going to this blog and reading my posts. I don't want to disappoint you, do I? You are my fan so I am gonna be good. Hahaha... I feel like a celebrity shit.

So I spent the night with my boy to catch up for the 4 days that we haven't seen each other. I redid his blog site, put graphics on it and stuff. I also tried to make him a website. But it is really hard to do so since he hasn't got any idea what he wants to put on it. So I am gonna wait for his ideas to flow out before actually doing the webbie. Better be sure than sorry.

Have you been to angel's website? Try visiting it. Seems like I am plugging his webbie. Actually I want to. Because I made it and it would make me happy if i know people appreciate it. Kiss my butt, will ya! Hahaha...

Hayy.. It feels good to love and be loved. Though I find it hard to think about something to write about. My juices usually come out when I am in great despair or when I am in this maelstrom of sadness and pitty. But nonetheless, I love being the way that I am now. I don't have to cry every night and wetting my pilllows.

Hey, read this "An Ode To A Broken Heart" I wrote when me and my first bf broke up. It's posted on the lower left corner of this page. Tell me what you think, will ya! (I sound like a control-freak. Sorry for that.)

I AM BACK

I have been so busy with doing angel's website that's why I haven't been in circulation lately. It's done already. And now I am and I am posting this right from my room using the new computer. (What do you know, I am connected to the internet. Haha! I wonder what's next. Hmmm...)

I am meeting my bf later around 6 at SM Manila. We are to watch a movie, do his grocery and drink coffee of course. It has been four days since I last saw him. I miss that boy already. It feels good to love and be loved. Maybe you should try it once in a while. Hahaha... This is great therapy, a breakaway from all that angst-ridden, blabber-about-how-life-sucks, and everything. Now I can simply stay home, knowing that somebody out there is loving me and wanting to be with me. Now it's not my imagination. This is for real. And I hope this lasts.

And I don't even worry not having sex for a while now. Just imagine, it has been 4 days since my last (with my bf of course). It's like I can stay celibate for a couple of days and then I'll give it my all when I meet my bf. Now that's cheesy but hey! Try being inlove!

Argh! I hope I can stay at his place later. To h&k, I love you.

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Sorry if I wasn’t posting anything these past couple of days (or so). I have been busy with my boyfriend and stuff. Yes! You read it right. I have a boyfriend already. Don't worry, I am going to tell what happened while I was away. Howie wants to know the blow-by-blow account. Hahaha… I am quite flattered that people do read this blog and that they even wanna know more about me. Or am I being too presumptuous?

Anyways, here’s what happened. So I met h&k at Robinson’s Place in Manila last Saturday. We were supposed to meet at 4:30PM but I was late by almost an hour (or so) because of the extremely heavy traffic. When I entered the mall I immediately looked for a comfort room where I can relieve myself. My bladder was gonna blow up and I needed to get a piss. The first CR was closed for renovation so I looked for another one, reading signage everywhere, trying to walk as fast as I could, holding that persistent liquid that was about to come out, using every escalators to and fro floors until I saw one, finally.

After that, I looked for the Nescafe coffee shop where I was supposed to meet him (I told him I’d be the one waiting for him but it ended up the other way around). He wasn’t around to I ordered a cappuccino while I wait. Then he came. Argh! He was so cute!

So we watched a 13 Going 30, had dinner at Popeye’s and then headed to his place. Then that question pop out of nowhere. “So what are we?”

I love him so I asked him if he wants to be my boyfriend. Fortunately, he said yes! Hayyy… I feel so blessed to have him. And here is the part where I broke my challenge, 14 days and 14 Nights. The hell with it! I broke it out of love, at least. The rest, is as they say, history.

Stayed overnight and then went to Espana the next day to help a friend make a website for his thesis. Did it in 4 hours with the help of this artsy fartsy guy, though I think the website is pretty blank. It lacks content and there are just so many negative spaces. Oh well, I hope they liked it though.

FINALLY, MY VERY OWN COMPUTER

Dad bought us (me and my borthers) a brand new computer yesterday. It's gonna be staying in my room. Hahaha... I can now focus on doing the next version of my website. It's gonna be more exciting, funnier (Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde), and cuter.

And who knows, I might get myself a webcam and then get naked in front of you. Hahaha. I bet you'd love that, woundn't you? Sorry boys, I am taken. Well, almost. It's gonna be decided later today after I meet h&k. Ahehehe...

Gotta check my mails. See yah!

EXCITEMENT WRITTEN ALL OVER ME

I am meeting hugs and kisses today. (Pardon me for the mushiness but I refer to people using pronouns. Much safer. And I don't want to put them in a bad light or something) H&K is this guy I have been talking with for quite recently. He's cute, brilliant and he loves me. Or so he says. He makes movie reviews. Argh! I am giving it away. Hahaha...

We're gonna meet around 4AM later. I might even stay overnight at his place, if he doens't run when he finally sees me in person that is. We plan to watch a movie, have dinner after and then drink coffee. But he doesn't like coffee so he'll just have to settle for water, I guess.

I hope this turns out well.

DIVISORIA ON A RAINY FRIDAY

Just got home from Divisoria. God, was it awful. The roads were so wet and muddy, black-muddy. There were so many people crossing and walking and talking and buying and everything. It was so noisy and everyone was just so busy. Including us. My mom bought yards of textile that my Aunt asked for. We went into several bargain stores, asking lower prices, getting into arguments and discussions and eventually leaving because the sales lady wouldn’t budge the price. Then we would go into another store and do the same thing. Argh! My feet ached so much. And I was just in sandals so naturally, my feet were full of mud too. Really gross.

But of course, I didn’t show my parents much disappointment. Not now. My being jobless is already an issue and I don’t wanna go into another discussion because I know that I would lose this time.

So after hours of walking in that muddy hell, we had ourselves, or rather dad had, a big plastic bag full of cloth and other stuff that we bought.

I am just so tired. Argh!

POP CAME WITH A SURPRISE TODAY

My tummy was craving for food around 4AM earlier so i decided to go out and buy myself something to eat at this 24hour bakeshop. When I got home, I immediately made myself a cup of coffee (maybe the reason why I still don't feel sleepy).

While I was having my coffee and bread in the dining area, I heard the gate open outside. I knew it was my father since he already told me yesterday that he would be arriving early today from Odiongan, my hometown. He was talking to someone. I opened the door and to my surprise...

Mama was with him. Was really surprised and happy at the same time. The last time I have seen my mom was when she came here, along with my dad and two siblings, to attend my graduation. They left Manila two days after.

After a lot of chitchat, updates, who just died, scolding for not having a job yet, one of my brothers came down , thankfully. He rescued me from more scoldings and preachings that was perceptively getting bigger and heavier. And then came my two other brothers and so my being jobless was kicked off the agenda. But not for long. My dad obviously wanted to grill me. Eventually he caught up with me. Argh! He wasn't this terrorizing before. Actually, they once said that they're not putting any pressure on me. Now I think they do. Even my bones could feel it.

Argh!

HIS FAVOURITE CONCUBINE

I have been awake for almost 24 hours already. Argh!

Did tons of laundry, stacked in the garage for almost two weeks already that left my arms numb and my body smelling like laundry soap, last night. After which I talked to angel (from my previous post). He sent me an sms message and asked if I could call him that night. I declined at first saying that my cousin was using the phone line for the internet. But he pleaded and I, being the push-over that I am, was left with no choice. He was/is just so irresistable. I don't know what spell he used on me or what he has that keeps me holding on and hoping that he would eventually realize that he loves me, or something. However I try to forget him or avoid him, I just couldn't do it and it always makes me feel happy and inlove whenever I talk to him.

So I asked my cousin if I could use the phone for 30 minutes and fortunately, he agreed.

Angel said things that made me more confused and kept me hopeful... uhmm... more like, hoping. He likes me and he misses me. He loves talking to me. He even called me his favourite concubine.

Now I don't know if I should be flattered or what but it definitely left a mark in my mind and heart. Our conversation ended around 2AM, almost an hour, when he decided to hit the shower, even teasing me to join him. Haha... that!, I would gladly do. It would be my pleasure. But it was a joke as he clarified immediately. Waaa...

He asked for my ex-boyfriend's number though. He said he liked my X's pictures and how they were taken. He's so creative. But I am sure that's just a guise for something deeper. What the heck! He's my X anyway... An X. Meant to be forgotten. Move on Ian, live... forget... The last time I texted him, which was like a week ago, he replied, "Can't you take a hint?!" Argh! Obviously, he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Came as a blow but I had to face it. Hurts... Never texted him after that.

Angel can have him if he wants to. In fact, he can easily have him. Them two would look great together. I will just have to keep this feeling for Angel at bay. For how long, I ain't sure.

IT IS RAINING AND I'VE GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO... (but write anything)

So I read this blog of a friend (though I really hope we can be more than that) earlier today. I really enjoyed the way he praises and most of the time spoils the movies he watches. If there's gonna be one person I would want to go out to movies with, it has got to be him. His eloquence and brilliance fascinates me, maybe even more than that. Fascination can quickly develop into a lot of things. We have been talking for quite sometime now after I met him at yahoo and I think we get along very well. Anyways, you should read his blog too if you're up for some spanking and cruelty. Haha... I highly recommend this one. He's like the masculine counterpart of Jessica Zafra, not that Jessica isn't already masculine. Harhar... In fairness to Jessica though, I have read some of her books and if there's one word that would describe her, it would be splendid.

Argh! People are quickly gathering here inside the cafe, mostly students who dont know anything but play Ragnarok. I don't know why they get hooked inthis game. I, myself tried it once, after being left out in my cousin and my brothers' conversations at home, but never got the hang of it. They always talk about this game which I know nothing of. So I always end up talking to myself. You should see my cousin. This guy is like the most addicted person I know. He spends all of his time playing Ragnarok and even when he sleeps, which is like 2 hours a day, his computer is always on. Thank God for Wednesdays for he gets to stop playing for 5 hours, 7-12AM, because the game has to undergo maintenance. And since he uses dial-up to connect to the Internet, nobody can use the phone except on Wednesday mornings or when you beg for a 30-minute phone usage, which he will grant you half-heartedly.

I just hope he thinks of applying for DSL already. Argh! And I hope soon.

Hmmm... Some guy is playing a guitar in the background. A perfect blend for the hard rain outside. I feel so mellow and serene, except for some chitchat the here and there.

Oops, gotta check my other mails...

14 DAYS and 14 NIGHTSCan I go through with it?

I was watching TV earlier, switching channels and feeling bored when an idea entered my mind. I know I have been having sex for almost every other day recently, and sometimes more than once on the same day with different guys even. And quite frankly, it is becoming like an addiction or something Not that I am a nympho or anything.

So I decided to free myself from these sexual escapades for two weeks, 14 days straight. I would have opted for 40 day and 40 nights just like what Josh Harnett did in the movie but I know for a fact that I can't last that long. Hey, two weeks is extremely a long period of time to hold back my libido!

Well, I know some people will shrug and dismiss this as some shenanigan I am trying to pull off, but for me this is definitely a challenge. I am gonna try to be a eunuch for 14 days starting today, Monday. But this challenge will not include self-satisfaction. I am gonna be a priest for a couple of weeks, at least give me the liberty to please myself in my own little but nasty way. Haha..

Okay, as I have said, this is not some bravado I am doing not am I trying to be a paragon of some shit. I am actually serious. And I am telling you guys and gals and those inbetweens, this is gonna be hard on my part. Ask my friends.

So all you guys who I have made commitmets with, we will have to reschedule. Slots are not gonna be open until after 14 days. Haha...

A WEEK THAT WAS!

Sorry if I was out for several days. Not that nothing happened for the past few days or anything. Actually, so many things happened. Here’s the rundown.

Monday

I was at GMA-7 for an interview. I applied, through a friend, as a researcher or a production assistant in the station’s new TV show, OUT! It is gay-oriented program which, needless to say, tackles gay issues.

I haven’t heard from them yet so I am supposing I didn’t pass the interview. So much for being a kapuso.

Wednesday

Watched “Laws of Attraction,” which starred Julianne Morre and Pierce Brosnan, with a guy at SM North Edsa. Did something naughty inside the movie house that left us both with painful tummies. Had coffee after talking about sex and a place to do it. Roamed the mall after and ended up in the 4th level of the car park.

The floor was empty, expect for a janitor. I hurriedly unzip his pants and got his throbbing cock out of his boxers. I gave him a head. He went home pretty satisfied.

That night I went out with a couple of guys to Farenheit (more like Epitome) somewhere in E. Rodriguez. After spending hours (them) in a videoke machine, we headed to the shower room. Of course, we were butt naked. Then they disappeared. I wanted to explore the place more but I wasn’t really comfortable showing off my naked body with only a towel on. Most of the guys there had good-looking bodies so I got dressed and headed upstairs to the AVR where porn is being shown. Spend the rest of the night there while drinking beers, feeling bored and sleepy. After the movie, I decided to leave the place. Went out at around 2AM.

Called another guy I was talking a lot with recently and asked if he wanted to meet. Fortunately, he was still up so he met me at Cubao. We proceeded to his place and talked. Watched a porn movie which was really more of disgusting than arousing. I told him to shut it off after several minutes. Spent the following day at his place, rented a couple of decent movies, met his virgin bestfriend, his family and went home around 10PM, Thursday.

He was cute by the way. I didn’t expect him to be so adorable. I couldn’t stop myself from staring at him, pinching his nose and hugging him tight. I really liked him. But he didn’t like me. Got to move on.

While I was in his place, a guy texted me asking for my landline number. Since I was out of the house, I asked him to call up at the guy’s number I was with. They ended up talking and now, they’re lovers. Argh! Hurts but I can’t do anything. Jealousy covered my face. Well his happy now so I beter bug off.

Now
I am talking to this wonderful guy right now. He’s four years younger than me, short for my ideal age, and is a college student at some school in Manila. He’s sweet, thoughtful and is a good singer. Just earlier I asked him to sing “Because of You” by Keith Martin though I like Kyla’s version better.

I hope this turns out good. I am really beginning to fall for him.

MAYBE THIS COULD BE IT!

I was browsing the TV late last night after finishing tons of laundry when I chance upon a sort of talk show with the President and the Vice President. The topic was about infrastructures being built to provide better transportation. It also tackeld future projects like decongesting Metro Manila, improving the quality of life, transferring some government agencies to provinces, etc.

I am really not a fan of the government. I hate politics. People in it are a bunch of craps and corrupts. The country is obviously sinking, and fast. Though I am not a pure activist at heart. I am a semi-activist in my own right, if I may sayso. I think rallies and demonstrations are ineffective already. The government is already numb with these kinds of actions.

So back to last night. I found myself listening attentively to everything the President said, unbelievably. I have never been a fan of GMA but last night I was, for a moment. Somehow I found myslef believing that she could make a difference, that she was sincere, that she can rebuild a wrecked, poor nation such as ours.

Maybe I have been very pessimistic about the government or this administration. I would have voted for Lacson if I were able to vote during the last elections. I believed in him. A Marcos-type persona. I thought kamay na bakal would be the answer. That, I will never know. But now, GMA sits in power. I and all of us could only hope for the best. And last night, she proved herself worthy to me of every vote she got, legitimate or not.

WAKING UP IN SOMEONE ELSE'S BED

Woke up in someone else’s bed today. And I didn’t even get his real name. Haha…

My quest for a good time last night ended in, read this, Bulacan. Chatted with lots of guys last night. One guy invited me over his place in Pasig. I went there and gave him a head at his building’s rooftop, while small raindrops were falling from the starless sky. From the rooftop the view was magnificent. The horizon was full of city lights which blurred if you look at it long. The Makati skyline was breathtaking. It felt like we were on top of the world. It was so romantic until… he stood in front of me.

When the rain became heavy, we ended the escapade inside his laundry room because his roommate was around.

I left his place quite early. Then I got a text message while I was on the MRT home. A guy was inviting me out next week. Told him I could meet him that night and that I could go to his place. Fortunately, there was no one home but him that time. I dropped off at Quezon avenue station, one station before my original stop, coz it was easier to get a ride from there and the trip was gonna be faster. After less that 45 minutes, I was waiting for him at 7-11 just as we agreed.

He was fast. The next thing I remember I was sitting on his bed, my pants off and my boxers slightly pulled down. Then it happened.

It was 11PM when I left his place. Quite early, I thought. So I called up another guy who was excited to meet me. Told him I could stay overnight at his place. He had been waiting an anticipating to get a piece of me.

After almost an hour, I was on a bus to Meycuaun, Bulacan. He fetched me up at some gasoline station and then we took a pedicab to his place. When we arrived at his house, his father was sitting asleep with the TV on. He must have fallen asleep while watching TV. With small, silent steps, we went to his room. He then got a couple of beers for the two of us. I didn’t drink though. I don’t drink Pilsen so I smoked a stick of cigarette instead and then we talked.

Then it happened and it happened again when we awoke the next day. A couple of condoms were scattered on the floor and the sheets were everywhere.

Arrived home around 3PM. I missed my bed last. I am gonna have a good night sleep Argh! I feel like a whore…

DISTANT MEMORY

Slept over at a friend's house last night somewhere in Fairview. She's a college friend and a kababayan. I also met her cousins which were from Romblon too, though we live in like extreme ends of the island. But nevertheless, they were a true born Romblomanons.

It brought a feeling of nostalgia. Deep inside me, there was a warm feeling of familiarity and of guilt. It has been almost three years since I stepped foot on that isalnd. Back then, in my frosh years here in the metro, going home were like rewards after every semester's work and struggles and hardships in college. Excitement would always cover my whole face everytime I get on the ship's dock, meeting familiar faces, chatting in my homegrown dialect, wondering who changed the most, comparing skin tones to figure out who is fairer from whom, updating myself with the lates rumors back home and among my high school batchmates, who married who and who got pregnant, and whatnot.

But those are just distant memories now. I have changed, and I would like to believe, for the better. For the past few years I have stayed away from my high school friends and classmates. For I have been a victim of a nasty rumor made by people whom I believed to be and whom I once called friends. I have been hurt, disappointed and degraded. And for what? Just to be a topic for some useless conversations? This is one of the reasons why I prefer to stay here in Manila. Away from the eyes of intrigues and close-mindedness, away from frustrations, away from where I once called home.

I have been transformed as an urbanite. And Manila more than welcomes me. Rural life ain't really for me. Conservative ain't in my blood. I wanted to be free, and now I am. I won't trade that fro anything else. For some people I might be just another probinsyano who got drugged by the urban. But for me, this is my destiny.

Christmas Party at a beach resort owned by a claamate.

I left for Manila a day before due to some disappoinments.

WAY BELOW ZERO BALANCE

Just visited the ATM machine. Argh! Balance is way below zero. I can't withdraw nothing. I have no phone credits and worst, i am gonna be stuck at home for the rest of the day. I just hope mom sentds me money later.

Woke up at 11am today. Quite early considering I slept like almost 4am earlier. I was awaken by the bright light of the sun slapping my face and a neighbor's blabber about being responsible. I think she was talking to her sister. said her friends might get her in trouble or she might get pregnant and how gasoline costs nowadays. Too far-fetched if you ask me. I swear I can hear someone crying. Must be the sister. I just had to open my eyes and welcome a brand new day. Had a couple of bread and a cup of coffee and of course, a smoke. Afterwhich, the encounter with my ATM balance. Argh!

So since I have nothing to do today, which is more like I can't do anything due to budgetary constraints, I will try to bug my cousin to install Adope Photoshop in his computer and let me make the third version of my website. Tried bugging him last night but he didn't budge an inch. He was either busy playing Ragnarok or downloading MP3 from the net. Maybe I need to develop my convicing power. If he weren't my cousin and he were gay i could offer a blowjob. Hahaha. Totally gross. Just thinking of it makes me puke!

JOB HUNTING

No matter how I say that I will become serious with my job hunting, the fast is, I am not. Everytime I face the computer, all I do is check my website, got to my profiles, my blog and chat and then meet up people. I instantly forget to look for a job. Come night time when I am all dusty and bored, I analyze my day and find out always how unproductive I have been.

But that's gonna change tomorrow. I'll take job hunting seriously. I am even considering the job offer my friend told me a couple of days ago. She wants me to become her photographer when she starts working in some website next week. She has to review party places around the metro. I think I am gonna enjoy it. At least I don's have to bug people every night to go out. Now I can go out with her ans the drinks are free. Although the job is pro bone, I still find it okay. It would look good on my resume and besides, she is my friend. Dear friend.

Exposure to boredome can really lead me to my decadence. Every night I find it hard to lull myself to dreamland. How can I, really? I usually wake up in the afternoon when the sun is kissing my face, do nothing exhausting for the day, drink lots of coffee etc. I need to look for something to busy myself with. And that photography stint is so far the best way I know. And while I am at it, I am gonna look for a job, real one.

It's time to get those stacks of phonebooks and contact some friends for referrals. I need to feel the rumpus of the city once again. Somehow, I miss it.

QUEST FOR A NON-EXISTING GUY

About the search for the perfect boyfriend. I am taking it more seriously now. Here are some qualifications.

He must be above 21 years of age, mature and has a job.
He must be lean or muscular but not buff.
Of course, he must be cute with nice eyes, lips and is clean looking. Someone I can be proud to introduce to my friends and who knows, maybe my family.
He must not be too gay.
Must be 5’7” or taller.
A good conversationalist. Has lots of ideas. Sensible.
If he likes cats, the better. As you all know, I love cats. Garfield is a hero.
Must be fun to be with, in bed or otherwise.
And of course, he must also love me for who I am.

More like this guy. If you see him around please call me up ASAP!

With these traits, I am sure to find no one. Hahaha. But hey! It’s worth the try.

PRISONER OF MY ILLUSIONS

I guess I am a prisoner of my own illusions. What was I thinking? I was about to change the most vital part of my gayhood. SEX.

So I met up with a couple of guys for the last three days. Actually, I met four guys to be exact. One with a car, another with a wife and a kid, a college student who loves to say “actually” in every sentence he makes, and a guy who’s bound for Dubai in a couple of months. Two of them I had sex with, one I have watched a movie with and a conversation over a cup of coffee and the other one I talked with in front of 7-11 near my place while it was raining so hard. You can probably say I was busy these past few days. Well, I really was.

A MEMOIR TO AN ANGEL

It was a lonely Thursday night. The place was almost empty. I ordered a bottle of beer on a glass filled with ice cubes. Just the way I liked it.

My heart was full of anticipation, excitement and fear. Finally I was about to meet him. I lit a cigarette to release the tension covering my upper body. My hands were shaking. In my head I was thinking of how I would greet him. Should I say "hi" or should I go "thanks for coming" and shake his hands? But my hands were beginning to wet. And I could feel sweat flowing through the surface of my chest. It was as if my heart was crying.

Suddenly, in a corner, I saw him. I tried to look away, to act as if I didn't care. But he somehow captured my eyes. And my eyes stared steadily at his face. He smiled.

He sat beside me. I could see he was beyond beautiful. He was angelic. The heavens let out an angel for me tonight. He smiled again and he was majestic, almost holy. His eyes were radiant like the stars that were lacking that night. Eyes that were bound to haunt me for as long as I live, and maybe in death.

Then I noticed, I couldn't stop looking at him, at his face, at his lips, at his eyes. He caught me several times and made face in return by sticking out his tongue or pouting his lips. He was boyishly cute. He was certainly an angel.

That angel was mine that night. I wish he could be mine forever.

TWO CONDOM WRAPPERS UNDER MY BED

I am officially 14 hours awake and I still can't get myself to sleep. Just came out of the shower in hope that cold water would make me sleepy but it didn't do any good. Instead, I am wide awake writing this entry.

I also cleaned my room before the shower. The two-week old bed sheet had to go. So were the pillow cases. I also stacked up some books scattered on the floor and threw away a couple of condom wrappers from under my bed. Haha. I am gonna try to clean more when I get up later and maybe do my laundry too, if I am not too tired.


Last night...

It was more like early morning yesterday. I was talking to this guy I met at Friendster.com. I first met his friend who lives in London. we exchanged messages to each other for a couple of weeks until he introduced me to his friend in Manila, the guy I was talking to last night.

He is 20 and stands 6'2" and is a college student at some high-end university in town. Apparently, he claims he's straight but is open-minded. Too open-minded perhaps that he is open to the possibility of a relationship, me and him. Haha.

I doubt him of course. For a could of reasons. First, he's straight, or at least he claims to be. And for all I know he just wants me to give him a head. Although I could do that even without the relationship. Haha. Second, he was drinking when we were exchanging SMS messages, though he told me he isn't drunk. He even called me to prove he wasn't at the mercy of alcohol yet. He also said he was serious about the "relationship."

So I'm meeting him on Monday for a cup of coffee and some chit-chat of course. He told me I could also drop by his place in Makati after. He lives with his family so he asked me to be very discreet about the "relationship" if ever I were to go to his place. As if there is a "relationship." But I am gonna meet him for sure but I ain't counting on anything. Not just yet. I'm gonna keep my guards alert.

I've seen his type. Straight guys can be crumpled into two types: the ones who are just for the money and some sex and the ones who too friendly and leave you broken in the end like a fallen chandelier from above the ceiling, scattered and broken.


Wanted: Boyfriend

I have been loving people who don't love me back for so long and I think it is about time I get some loving for myself.

Remember that angel I was talking about in one of my previous posts? It is confirmed. He doesn't like me, at all. I do understand him. He's too good for me. He has a sexy boyfriend and a happy relationship. I am not the one to ruin it. I have even erased his number from my phone book so I couldn't bug him no more. And the piece of paper I used to write down his number? I tore it to pieces and dumped it straight to the trash which the garbage collector will take come Saturday or maybe Wednesday.

But I still feel the same about him. I still love him. His eyes, his lips, his, everything. And here I go again... If only I were good enough for him. I would have had the guts to steal him away from his boy. Hayyy... Now I am dreaming...

Life is such a puzzle isn't it? You love people, but they don't love you back, not even an inch of attraction. And those people who just aren't your type are the ones professing their love to you! It really doesn't work the way we want it to.

So I have decided to try to give these people a chance. Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll finally have a boyfriend.

So all you willing bachelors out there, come and get me.

Haha...

LIFE BEGINS NOW

A new Christian has been born. This time it is for real. This one is gonna be better, sexier and cuter. Hahaha…

After suffering from the “boringest” Saturday night of my life, I have come to realize so many things. I assessed myself from different angles; physically, psychologically, emotionally and the like. First things first. Earlier today, which was more like yesterday, I invited a friend, Serge, that we go to gym together. Fortunately, there was one near his place so that solved the problem of finding one. And it is a lot cheaper than those more famous gyms around. I think he would be a great company.

Actually I started working out earlier by lifting heavy stuff for 45 minutes. It really showed impressive results. I think I have a very good chance for making myself fit in no time at all. I even made a chart which I posted behind my bedroom door so I could record improvements I have made for every exercise. Hopefully, after a few months time, I could finally go out half naked on the beach or a pool or even inside bars. Haha…

Of course, I am gonna start taking vitamins and some protein supplements. Smoking will also have to be lessened. My goal is five sticks a day. I know that will a challenge but I am up for it. Eventually I will stop smoking or I will only smoke occasionally.

Second, I am gonna be serious on my job-hunting. I’m gonna attend my interviews and stuff. I am thinking of applying to GMA-7 or ABS-CBN or Studio 23 as a writer. If all else fails, I’m gonna go Call Centers. Besides, I need a job to support myself and the things I want/need. I am really starting to become an embarrassment to my parents and siblings. I am a degree holder from a premiere university and I have no job?! Shameful.

Third, I am gonna lessen my sexual apetite. If you have been reading my blog you should know that I am a very sexual person. I do it like twice a week, even everyday if I have the chance. I even have FBs (fuckbuddies).

And I have been thinking . I have hurt so many people for being a player so I decided to take things slow and maybe, just maybe, I will commit myself once again. Not just to anyone of course. I’m going for mature (21-29 years of age) and settled (like my first) guy. So if you are reading this and you think you somehow qualify, better hit me now. Hahaha…

What Happened?

I was in Malate, a famous party place for PLUs, last Saturday night with a guy I met earlier that day on the net. He wasn’t what I had expected. He was cuter on his pictures. We had a few drinks at New York Café and after headed to Red Banana due to my insistence.

The place was deserted when we got it considering it was RB’s first year anniversary. The heavy rain that night might have discouraged party-goers to go out. Unfortunately, it didn’t daunt us a bit. I brought an umbrella which was really so uncomfortable. Hahaha…

To cut the long story short, boredom almost swept me to insanity. My date was a total bore. Not much of a talker. He was not even my type. Fortunately, well not really as what would happen later in the night, I saw my crush. We talked earlier that day and he told me he wasn’t going out so I was surprised to see him and must I say, happy. But it turned out he was with a date. So I was stuck with my date. Imagine me just staring nowhere while he tried to do some lame dance in front of me.

When my date asked me to the darkroom, I enthusiastically said yes and followed him, holding his hand, while we passed through that dark, sinful but satisfying, smelly with sweat and semen corner of the second floor. Suddenly someone from behind me held my butt tight. Turned out it was my crush. We kissed but the light went on so we had to stop. He left and went to his friends and my date was nowhere to be found.

I saw my date drinking a bottle of beer near the staircase. Apparently, he saw what happened to me in the darkroom. He told me it was okay and that I could hook up with any guy I want around the room. Feeling guilty and all I said I couldn’t do what he just told me because I was on a date with him. But inside me I was hoping he would leave so I could track down my crush and continue what we started. We went downstairs and watched some guy do dirty dancing on the stage. But my eyes were everywhere. I was hoping my crush would pass by. I decided to check my phone which was outside because cellphones weren’t allowed inside for security reasons. When I got back my date was nowhere so I decided to track down my crush. I saw him and we kissed again.

Then he told me I was a fool.

WHY?

My crush and I met Wednesday that same week at the same place. When we parted, he sent me an SMS message telling me he was disappointed because I didn’t kiss him. He confessed that he liked me. Being a player that I am, I made him believe that I like him back. Part of it was truth though. I like him. He’s cute. I just don’t find myself being in a relationship with him.

He obviously had too much to drink that he started pointing fingers to my face blaming me for something I didn’t really understand. Then he left and said he’s be back in a sec. he was gone for like a zillion years and when he did he said he was leaving.

My insides yelled, OUCH! Then I thought, maybe it is Karma!

I busied myself with my last stick.

In hope to rescue my worsening night, I texted a friend (who also confessed he liked me and who was in Malate that night too). But he already left. Then I texted another chatmate who was supposed to meet me after my date and who was with a boring date too in Malate that night. He told me to wait and so I did. But it took like forever so I called him up. He said he’d be there so put off my horns and stayed in my place with lovers all around nibbling, kissing and imagine-what-else.

After like eternity and noticing that the sun was out already, I finally decided to go home.

Outside I bought three sticks of cigarette and a couple of candies and waited for a cab. But everyone else were also waiting for a cab which are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Then I saw my crush, who had just become an asshole, going my way.

You’re going home alone?

Obviously.

That came as an insult, really. Was he expecting me to find someone to take home and have sex with? That moment I realized he had the right to think of me that way. If there’s an asshole in that place, it was me. I tried to hhok up with four guys that night and I went home empty-handed.

On the way home I have done a lot of thinking. I was a total wreck. Karma is fast approaching my way and I could almost feel it touching me.

I have to change. I have hurt so many people in my quest for acceptance, to prove people can like me. And I have been accepted, liked and loved even but I took that all for granted. I don’t even know where love and lust differ. This has to stop.

So that was it, the story that made me want to change, a story that will never be forgotten. I am ashamed, very ashamed. And I am really, really SORRY.

I am gonna be better. I will try my best!

LAST NIGHT WAS LOVE

I just woke up again. Well, what's new anyways? I think I might have had too many a beer last night. I woke up with my head spinning and heavy. Argh!

So I was really bored yesterday. Was facing the computer the whole day looking for something exciting to happen. I was chatting and then this invite came out of somewhere. It said about a party that's happening in Malate later that night. And since it has been ages since I last went out I decided I should go. But I wouldn't go alone. No No. So I called up some people and luckily this gorgeous guy said yes.

We haven't really met before last night. So I was nervous and shaky and all when I was waiting for him at New York Cafe. I ordered Strong Ice and started my way while waiting. And when he showed up, a big smile was on my face. It stayed that way the whole time. We waited for his friend and I would catch myself staring at him God! Was he beautiful. He has the cutest eyes and when he smiles, it's like heaven is opening its doors for me. He makes this funny faces whenever he catches me staring at him. And he's so cute, boyish, and fun. I was really having the time of my life. And then...

So when his friend arrived, we drank some more beers and then headed to Epitome, where the party was. The place was cool. It had a sauna, gym, bar, private rooms etc. It is like a one-stop shop for PLUs* looking for a great time. We stayed near the dance floor. We really weren't for the darkroom thingy and other nasty stuff. Well, not yet. We got our free bottles of beer. The two invited me to dance. I said no. You know I don't dance right? Not when i'm not drunk. They are so fun to be with. We laughed all night. Though I felt a tinge of being an excess baggage. I just stared at him the whole time. He was so beautiful. I really like him. But I am sure too that the feeling is not mutual. He's too good for me. He's too perfect.

Suddenly I remembered Trojan's post two days ago about being with the wrong guys. He is a disaster waiting to happen, a heartache about to explode. But I really like him, a lot.


*PLUs n. an abbreviation of the phrase people like us

SEX

That was one hell of a sexExperience!

Hahaha. I know you are all dying to know who he is. He's this guy I met ealier at some chatroom at Yahoo. He's cute but kinda short. but hell, was it fun!

You know, Yahoo gives a lot of oppurtunities for people like US to meet up and get to know each other, maybe a little more better. To the point of undressing each other while kissing each other's nipples. Hahaha. Perve right? But like I always say, I believe that somewhere inside us or part of us has a tendency to become a perve. Well, given the right gorgoues yummy guy. Lol.

Anyways, I am here at SM North Edsa [a mall] and I am gonna watch the last full show of Garfield the movie. I love cats, like I said in my previous post. A friend of mine likes to call it "lust full show" for obvious reasons. Considering it is dark inside moviehouses and a lot can happen. I'll leave it at that. You'll have to use your imagination. I'm not gonna spoonfeed you with the details.

But I am nto about to do that tonight. I am gonan concentrate on watching that rude cat swing his tail. Grafield has been a fave since high school. I could even draw his face while blind-folded. I'm a big fan of the feline species, and that includes Catwoman which I saw Yesterday.

RIGHT GUY?

Lawrence Chou


Isn't he gorgeous? I first saw him at this horror flick The Eye. He played a doctor to a girl who just had her eye transplant. He was responsible for the psychological department of the operation. Eventually they feel in love with each other.


I watched the movie several times already. And now you know why. Last night, because of my insomnia, I watched it again for the nth time. Lawrence is really cute. Isn't he? He has the most beautiful eyes and devilish-boyish face. A heartbreak waiting to happen.


Which reminds me. I have been visiting this wonderful blog by a guy I met (cyber-wise) at some website. He's name is Trojan. His recent entry was about falling for teh wrong guys. Argh! Was he absolutlety right. We (I am supposing you are like me or else you wouldn't read this) tend to fall for the wrong guy; unattainable guys.


And I quote Trojan:
What's it about guys who are unattainable, the type whom you know is just plain WRONG, the kind you already envision the heartache, tears and endless rounds of solitary ice cream sessions in front of your telly on stormy nights before the first date has ended. Like an addiction, like a insatiable chocolate craving, I just close my eyes and wade right in.

Sidebar

Anyways, I am going to watch Garfield the movie later. I have seen Catwoman yesterday with a friend. She was a bomb! I mean I loved the way that cat swings her tail. Wow! I just noticed, felines are recently a fave amongst movie producers. I, myself, love cats. In fact I have 21 cats at home. Hahaha...

LOVE and SOMETHING ELSE

“Love is just a pastime one tends to outgrow. Eventually it becomes a bore.”

Got this one from Le Divorce, a movie with Kate Hudson starring it. Well the quote didn’t really came from Kate’s mouth but from another character in the movie

I don’t know if it’s true. It is a very cynical way of looking at love, don’t you think? It puts love into question. Is there really such a thing called love? Or can love really exist?

I used to be as cynical myself. I even used to believe that love is just sugar-coated sex. But from my experience, love is there… somewhere. I love my family, some of my relatives, my friends and some people who don’t really know I love them. I just don’t believe that someone I love (partner-wise) will love me back for long and for good.

Love exists. You can find it anywhere. Love is in the air, the person beside you while you ride the MRT to Ayala, under the sheets of your bed, in chatrooms, emails, websites, bars, that coffee shop you always go to when you are bored, anywhere.

In my experience, you will know it’s love when you can’t stop thinking about him (by “him” I am referring to a possible partner. I’m using that pronoun coz I’m more likely to be with a guy than with a girl), when you start putting photos of him in one of your picture frames in your room under the lampshade near your bed where you can stare at it long before sleeping.

It is when you can’t stop sending him messages to his mobile phone at every hour of the day and still find it not enough that you stay up late just to say “Hi, what are you doing? Can’t sleep. Argh! I love you,” even if he tells you its annoying him. It’s when you can’t wait to meet him on Tuesdays and Wednesdays of the week because those are his day-offs from work. It’s when you smile and take a deep breath while you stare at him sleeping like an angel. It’s when your online journal begins to be flooded with happy moments with him contrary to the usual I-hate-this-world-life’s-a-bitch mode.

It’s when you tell him it’s gonna be okay if he leaves you for another guy as long as he’s happy coz you believe in the saying “If you love a person, set him free. If he comes back, you’ll know he’s yours” when deep inside you’re wishing he won’t. it’s when you change your ways and yourself to satisfy his wants. It’s when you go to his place just to see him and hug him and kiss him even if it’s a hundred miles away from yours. It’s when you can’t keep your hands off him. It’s when you strat to love everything about him.

Love does some crazy shit but that’s the way it goes. And eventually he’ll leave you with the pretense that he needs time for himself and that he can’t love you the way you love him, and because you love too much, you’ll say “Okay. I understand. Have a nice life. Thanks for everything. Have fun.”

THE END.

OPRAH and ME

I was watching Oprah’s Bash Birthday Party aired at Studio 23 earlier.
It was her 50th birthday. Everything was so special. Every single detail was lovely. According to the host, this is to make her feel loved and special and significant which I think she felt. Who wouldn’t? She had Celine Dion serenade her and every big Hollywood stars as her guests. She even had this O-table made for her. And her party was held at Bel-Air.

It makes me think how lucky she is. She has so many people love her, adore her and care about her. Her persona transcends cultural boundaries, social strata and other things which make people divided.

I wanna be like her. Adored, loved. I wish I could make a difference, influence people, make changes for the better and lots of other things.

Watching the show, envying everything about her makes me feel so USELESS. I couldn’t even get myself a job. How can I even promote change with what I am right now.

Argh! This idleness is really taking its toll on me. I can not even believe for myself that I haven’t been out of the house for four days. Grand Theft Auto III, the playstation game which kept me busy for the three days is now over. I have completed all the missions, bombed a flying helicopter and plane, assassinated Mafia members, allied with a Yakuza and rescued a seemingly disgruntled girl from the Columbian gang. And now I don’t have anything else to put my mind into. I was even thinking of buying the next version of that game. My brother said it is available already. Argh!

YESTERDAY, I LOVED

I was surprised to hear my phone’s alarm went on struck 12:01 earlier. I was busy playing Grand Theft Auto III (Playstation 2) when it rang. I quickly turned it off and continued the game.

It was pretty recent since I really enjoyed playing computer games. Somehowmy brothers finally got me. It started with Naruto and then Grand Theft Auto III. And to my astonishment, I found the equipment pretty neat. Thought it was boring and a waste of time before. But it isn’t after all.

I ended the game around 3am when I found a mission too hard to crack. I decided I would continue it tomorrow.

After taking a bath, I checked my phone and then I figured out why its alarm went on at 12:01am earlier. Today is the 26th of the month. Suddenly I felt sad and alone, regretful and stupid. I went out and had a stick and pondered “what ifs.” My eyes began to wet as I remembered those happy times. The way he sleeps, the way his face goes really goofy and cute when he smiles, the smell of his perfume, the way everything seems so perfect when he holds my hand, how almost perfect he is and how I love him so much. They will forever be just a part of my distant past. Something I could never get back. For yesterday I loved.

APATHY ON A FRIGID TWILIGHT OF A SATURDAY

The night is cold. There is indifference in the air. The rain earlier seemed to have awashed the background hushed. The whole village is at rest, except me. There are the constant hushing of fast moving cars outside the village. I can hear them from here, my room. At times, drag races are held in that avenue. Not tonight, I think. The road is slippery and wet from the rain. Too dangerous to race perhaps. But then again, it’s still early. Races usually begin around one in the morning when racers have the avenue for themselves.

It’s Saturday night. I should be out partying and getting drunk. Of course, hooking up with a gorgeous guy after the party is always a bonus. Instead I am here, in my room, on my looney-toon inspired covered bed, trapped in this apathy.

Boredom keeps me company during sleepless nights. Nights like this. This is my problem. I couldn’t stay idle for just one second. My system longs for action, for work, anything to keep me busy. I just could not pinpoint the hub of this dissatisfaction, of this boredom. Somehow I miss being in college again when overnights for reports, projects and papers are as often as blinking an eye. I miss those times. Especially tonight.

If I had work I wouldn’t be like this. Probably. Especially if I work on graveyard shoft. By then my insomnia would be finally out into good use.

Ouch! Mosquitoes are feasting on me. Got to dispose all my laundry tomorrow. My room is a mess. And this bedsheet. Gotta replace it with a new one. Maybe that Garfield printed one will be nice.

Garfield! My favorite cartoon character ever. Used to draw his face on every notebook, sheets of paper, anywhere back in high school. I saw this huge Garfield stuff toy earlier at a mall. It’s being raffled off for the showing of that Garfield movie. I have to get it.

Oh well. So much for this journal. I will take a smoke and maybe sleep after. I hope…

RAPPORT WITH DEPRESSION

I can not explain it. Many people would have considered suicide but somehow I find rapport with depression. Crying ever single night thinking how ugly and stupid and did I say ugly, I am.

Through the years, I have been downcast in finding happiness. Real happiness. Somehow it makes me question the measure of true mirth. If being happy means having someone you love, love you back, then I totally fail in that department. Reminds me of a phrase from Moulin Rouge. “The greatest thing in this world is to love and be loved in return.”

Of course, I have had a taste of how to love and be loved in return. Though shortlived, my first relationship did made me feel loved. Or I would like to believe so.
But I also believe that happiness does not come from that alone. If that were the case then this world must be full of lonely people, right? I am not discounting the many friends I have. Friends who support and love me for who I am, with all my flaws and inconsistencies. And especially my family. I love them a lot. And they love me.

And somehow, being depressed gives me a sense of continuity, of consistency. I have been like this for so many years that the two and a half month relationship I had with this gorgeous guy broke that pattern.  I don’t know nor I am sure I will stay depressed for long but as of now I really don’t care. I have other things in my mind. First things first, so they say. There are other worlds out there, important things to think about. And that’s looking for work and actually staying long in it. Or maybe long enough to even get the first salary.

My goal has totally been retracked since the break-up. Moving in with BF in a nice comfy apartment isn’t a priority anymore. Besides, before I can actually do that, I first need a job. Of course, SEX won’t be ignored. A dosage of lust, overflowing sweat, some pumping action, grinding and bumping is a necessity to survive being single. Yeah baby!

And life has to go on. Slowly but surely. Easy to say but really tough to achieve. But hey! Everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Abysmally Forlorn

I am abysmally forlorn. These past few days has been nothing but depressing.

Work seems like impossible to find and I just lost the only relationship I have. And I am to blamed for both. 
 
Maybe it is true. I am better off alone. I mean it worked for me for the past 21 years, didn't it? Why would it fail me now? Right? 
 
Crying has been my game and Rejection my name for so long. I somehow missed that. And now I have every reason to be again. I am back to being an angst-ridden-world-hater bitch I was before. 
 
What was I thinking? I couldn't have believed it would last forever. I let love get me and now I have to pay the prize. 
 
And now I fortify myself because I was dumb and stupid and pathetic. I learned my lesson. Love ain't for me. Definitely not for me. 
 
I am putting up this facade that I am okay and that I am swiftly moving on when in fact I am trapped in this dimension of sour-graping and bitterness. Only time will tell if I am gonna stay here or not. But as of now I am gonna find ways to enjoy torturing myself while I am here. It's what I do best anyway. I am a masochist, am i not? I take pleasure from pain. Somehow I believe that.
 


 

My Laundry And Marvin

12:45 PM

The laundry's spinning. I have about 15 minutes before I go down again and drain the machine. I am here in my refuge. My bed.

A lot of people arrived today. My ever-so-negative-on-me grandmother, my equally-negative-on-me uncle, my cousins which I barely see anymore, and my Tita whom alledgedy had a secret marriage with her boyfriend. Turned out it wasn't really a secret. My grandmother told me she was married in front of a judge. I dunno thought if there is going to be a church wedding.

I am not excited. Oh no. Never. For the last four years or more I have seen how they treat us, our family. Me. My mother once told me not to hate them instead take it as some sort of a challenge. And I do. Someday I will prove to them I can make it. And graduating on time was the first step.

I am happy to see one cousin though. Catherine. My ever so twisted and confidant friend. We get along most of the time. Except that she loves to watch Tagalog films while I don't. Well I do occasionally given the good reviews and all. She called up yesterday and asked me to watch All my Life with her. I said, Duh! Never! But nevertheless, I love her. Amidst her young age, she's very mature and open-minded. If there's one person in the clan* who knows me, really, it would be her.

My 15 minutes is over. Better check my laundry.

2:08PM

Just finished laundry. Bought a bottle of Coke and made myself a peanut butter sandwich.

I remember Marvin. He seldom texts me anymore. He never calls like he used too. Well, his bill is going really up and I understand he's busy with work and all. And everytime he goes home he would sleep the whole day to rest. Then off to work come night time.

Maybe I am over reacting. Hayyy... I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe he's falling out of love from me. Maybe he has found somebody good to be with. Maybe he's thinking of a good way to break up. He shouldn't put much effort on thinking. He could just tell it to me straight, honest. I will understand. Rejection is my game anyway. Why would it be so different now?

Now I am officially PARANOID. I just hope he texts me soon. I know I love him. But if he breaks up with me, I ain't sure I'll be going into any relationships anymore. He is my first boyfriend and he will be the last. Whatever happens. Okay, I guess that's so final. But just in case...


*clan - includes immediate family and the extended family.

Familiar Feeling

11:44pm
01 June 2004

Outside the sky is starless. Cold breeze touches my face once in a while. Droplets of rain fall from the heavens. Everything is deafeningly silent. Every creature must be in deep sleep except for me. The night just doesn’t seem right.

Staring out in the darkness brings out familiar a familiar feeling. The one I always get before Marvin came into my life. Depression.

The phone is ringing. Better get this one.



12:08 am
June 02, 2004

It was Raymond. Told me he is adding me as one of his friends at Pinoyster.com.

I am in my room now. Lying on my bed. I haven’t changed the cover yet. It is still the one when Marvin was here. I miss him. I miss him so much.

Invisible War is playing in the background. The tone’s mellow, almost sad. It has been a habit to turn on FM before going to sleep. Wave 89.1 and Jam 88.3.

On my home earlier after meeting Joan and overhauled her resume, I felt a sudden rush of depression. I remembered Marvin and how I love him so much. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. I still do up to now actually. There’s just a lot he wants me to change. He says that I should gain weight, I should get my teeth repaired, I should dye my hair back to black, etc. Although I know it is for the better. And I believe he means well. But I feel like because he wants change, he’s not satisfied with what or who I am now. Though he says, he does. Like I said, it seems he deserves someone more special, more near-perfect, as gorgeous as he is, and so many other things. And that was where the depression came from.

The sound of the falling droplets of rain against the roof, the playing music in the background, the starless sky sets up the mood to become the Drama Queen once again.

I just don’t feel good about myself. I don’t feel cute and deserved. This borders on the superficial I know, but isn’t that a big factor? You don’t want to be seen with an ugly, big gorilla, right?

The phone again. I am getting this.


10:38am
June 02, 2004
(Lying on my bed after drinking coffee)
(Mood: Still depressed. Marvin Just send me a message. Said he’s watching Harry Potter. He’s watching it alone as a payback for watching Shrek with my friends)

Slept right after the call earlier. It was Rvhie. He asked a lot of questions regarding being gay. I could tell from his voice he was effeminate. He said he feels so late, so ostracized, among other things. A newbie*. I just psycho-babbled him and ended the conversation. He thinks I am his mentor. Really weird. I couldn’t even get my own actions right.

It’s easier right? Telling people what to do, giving advices like you’re God, and then feeling good about yourself, when you can’t even follow your own advice.

Woke up crying today. I ain’t sure what my dream was that made me cry or if I actually had a dream. Maybe it’s the electric fan. Whatever the reason is, I still feel depressed.


Newbie – a gay person who just came out of the closet.

Boredom Takes Me To Quezon City Circle At Three In The Morning

Now before you get some crazy ideas, let me explain. I was so darn bored last night. I asked Marvin to fetch me up at home but he couldn't leave Cavite because he was sick. So I called up Raymond. Who's Raymond? He's a good friend. He has some love problems and I felt obliged to be there beside him. You know, lend some shoulders. Hahaha... Alright! I was bored. And I sure needed company. He was free so we met even though it was like 2am.

So we met at Munoz and then decided to go somewhere. Well, we were undecided actually. Until I opened the possibility of going to QC Circle. I have been there that late with Liz who was pregnant that time. We took some pictures of the monument for her school project. Hahaha and toured around a little. We were like lovers. Too bad I am gay.

Back to Circle. So we ended [am speaking about Raymond] up not entering QC Circle. It was closed. Was shocked and disappointed. That was the only place I know near which didn't close. But it was so we walked around... I mean literally, around the joint. We saw some guys who just stood there like waiting for the stars to come down and touch them. Except that there ain't any stars at all. I supposed they're doing their own business but I couldn't help but stare at them, observe them and therefore I conclude. They were pick-up boys. Hahaha... I wonder how much money they make. I am considering entering the business myself if real job is still nowhere near. Hahaha...

So we ended up here, at PHILCOA, surfing the net and writing this blog... Well actually, typing. And this will end here. Raymond's a bit bored. I guess boredom is contagious. Hahaha... I'll write more about this in the morning. Ta-ta.

And God Has Risen Come Three Days

Actually this blog entry has nothing to do with God or anything spiritual. It has just been three days that I stayed at home doing practically nothing productive. Well, if you consider surfing the net, accepting friends in Friendster, Downelink, Tickle, Connexion, Berkzter, Pinoyster, and Myspace productive then, there's productivity for you.

Look. I have been craving to go out but my budget just can't afford it. My bank account has been cancelled due to not following the cut-off amount of 500 Php. So Last time I had to ask my friend that the money be deposited to his account. You see, I still ask money for my parents even though I have graduated like a month ago or so. Where would I get money anyway, than them? I feel so dependent, which I shouldn't be. Had I only accepted the job I should have been earning my own cash now. But hey, like I said, and I am gonna say this one more time, I didn't like the work. So it's really not my fault. But whose fault is it anyway? Let's leave that question hanging.

Three days! Imagine that! Being at home, being bored to the point of comatose. Especially now that the Internet ain't working at home. Gosh, I feel so useless.
I talked to some friends last night on YM conference and they too do practically nothing. Some of them meets everyday watching Friends DVDs. That's it. I could develop a headache doing that. Staring at the TV screen. Well at least they have something to enjoy themselves with. And me, NONE.

Joan and I will apply for call centers this Wednesday. Call Center for a graduate? Not bad I think. I will work there for like two years, earn enough money and then pursue what every journalism graduate should be doing - write. I don't find anything wrong working in call center. It is good money and good money is always better, isn't it?

ABC-5 Disaster

03:28 PM

It has been like more than a month since graduation and I still haven't got a job. After turning down the job in Medical Observer, I got a call from ABC-5 for an examination the next day [Wednesday], so I went up there with Marvin. There were two exams basically. One where you need to write a script for TV News with both the audio and the video. They gave us the materials. We basically did the formatting and the script. Ed Lingao was the one who gave us the exam which is more like an exercise.

I finished the first exercise ahead of others. Why wouldn't I? I was forced to actually. Marvin was waiting outside in the building's lobby, sleeping. You see he just got from his graveyard shift in a call center in Makati. And I dragged him all the way down to Novaliches to accompany me. He didn't forced me to hurry the exam though. It was more like I'm-worried-about-him-sleeping-there kind of thing. More of an inner drive, for him of course.

Mr. Lingao liked my first exercise so I went on to my second. He gave me two names [Comelec spokesperson and ABC-5 spokesperson] to look for and interview. About what? That's the thing. I had to think of an angle, of questions, of a story to write. More like he was testing me if I have the nose for news or stories that are newsworthy. After finishing it, I came back to his office and after reading it to him, his face turned into a total disaster. He said he was frustrated. He liked my first exercise but the second one totally fucked-up.

He said he's hold on to my application and would call me after assessing the other applicants. More like get-outta-here mister! Hahaha.. Oh well, I know I didn't pass and maybe I ain't right for that kind of work so I don't feel frustrated at all.

My plan is to work for two years in a call center, earn money and then look for a job with regards to my course.

[Untitled]

4:49PM

I am in eternal bliss. Love covers my whole room. The smell of sweet scent of satisfaction and contentment fills my every breath.

Puffing my cigarette while watching Marvin go into deep slumber is more than I can ask for. I pray he dreams of me while he lay motionlessly beautiful on my looney toon-covered bed. I pray his brain and heart remembers every detail of what happened. I pray he never leaves me.

Today marks our first month anniversary. We have been together for 9 hours and 24 minutes since I met him ealier. And every moment of it is unforgettable.

I never thought love could find me and draw me into him. I was in the dark. I was once one of those people who cursed and hated love because it didn't caught us. But now it did. And I am loving every second of it.

I wanna burst into tears of happiness and excitement. I thank the heavens for Marvin. I thank the moon for the dim light which uncovered every lust and love from us. I thank the sun for shining through my once dark and cold days, for melting my heart which froze through times of disappointments. My heart's finally beating and it beats love.

I love you Marvin. Happy First Month anniversary.

Job Update

11:32pm

I met up with Andz earlier at Xavier in Greenhills, Ortigas. She wanted me to apply as a nursery teacher there. She teaches there for like two years now. Compensation's good plus you get to have a teaching partner or something like that. But like I told her? What am I gonna teach there? SEX?"

She then accompanied me to Makati to return some stuff in the company I just quitted from. After which we met up with his insurance agent and another friend of hers. We ate dinner and then she talked to her agent while I half-heartedly listened and looked like I was interested. The insurance guy even told me if I was interested to apply in their company but told me I was young to be in an insurance stuff.

We then went to Greenbelt and stayed at Starbucks. What greater way to end the day that a cup of rhumba and a few sticks of winston lights. We talked about life, about Marvin, about the koreans [this cute Korean twins he tutored before], his cousins etc, etc. She also talked me into going with here in Bagiuo this weekend. She will meet the Korean twins so I could finally see them at last. She's been pushing me to go with her in one of her teaching sessions before but I hesitated.

The church was there so we also stayed there for like 15 minutes. It has been like two years since I entered a church. I actually prayed. :) Well, it's always good to look up once in a while.

When I got home, my dad told me that ABC-5 called and asked me to go to the station for an exam. Wish me luck everyone. Hehehe...

People Are So Rude!!!

People have been so rude to me lately. I opened an account on downelink.com, an online meeting place for gays two days ago. Then I made a forum telling everyone to rate me. They were so rude. The comments my God! Someone said he hates people from third world countries and that I look like I haven't eaten for years. Like that was so negative.

Good thing, some people ain't the rude as the rest.

My First Day At Work And I Quit

My very first job and I quit.

Last week my father arrived and told me that I have an aunt who works at an advertising company. He told me to go there and bring my resume. I did and I got interviewed the same day. The comapny wasn't an ad agendy after all. Medical Observer was the name of the comapny. Apparently they make medical jounrals for doctors. I was shocked of course. My father tricked me!!!

But I went through the interview anyhow. I was called to go there last thursday for another interview. This time it was the editor-in-chief who asked me questions. And then after the interview I was asked to go to an office where I was discussed with the policies, the contract signing supposedly today and I was given an early assignment. She gave me these books and papers and stuff about some disease I was to write about. Foolishly, I accepted the job eventhough I wasn't really sure what I am going to do there. I don't write technical stuff. Fashion is what i do best, music, movies etc. Though they told me they have issues on those things once in a while but about 90% is all about medicine.

I was accepted and will start today. Well, supposedly. Only, I didn't go to the office as requested. So they texted me to return the stuff they lent me. I will later.

Hayyy.. so I am back to being bum again. Professional? Hope not.

Same Old Day, Same Old Me

6:37 PM

Nothing special has happened today. I woke up at 9 in the morning and did my laundry. My father asked me to fetch my brother in his school and so I left my laundry half-finished. Got back home at 4 pm and continued washing my clothes and some pants. Laundry ain't that many so I didn't got tired. Then the rains started pouring. I wanted to sleep but I couldn't. I just laid myslef on my bed with thoughts of Marvin. I miss him already, the way he smiles, his sexy body, the way he walks (harharhar), his kisses and everything about him. I love every part of him, every imperfections. Now I know how it is to be really in love.

Marvin is such a wonderful guy. Almost perfect. And I love him so much...

Basa sa Ulan

I was in Makati yesterday applying for a supposed ad agency. My father arrived earlier yesterday and told me that some relative of ours was gonna interview me. He said it was some ad agency. So I figured maybe I could try it out.

So I went there through MRT with my cousin. Then we took a cab hoping the driver knew the building. We haven't got the vacuest idea where it was. My father just told me it was in Pasong Tamo Makati and the building's name was King's Court.

The driver knew the place but the traffic was so bad he has to drop us off and told us we could walk to get to the place. And we did. We walked... and walked.. and walked until we got tired and rested for a while at Mister Donut. Then when we were about to continue the ultimate search for the building, it rained... so hard.

We stayed for a while hoping the rain would stop but it didn't. So we continued the search anyway. We asked every guard that we come across with but to no avail. They didn't know where the place was. Until the "supposed relative" answered my message and texted me the exact location. It was like we were going around in circles. We turned left then turned left again then right and we would find ourselves in the same spot where we started off.

We continued anyway until we saw this gurad and asked. He pointed his fingers to the building which was like the place we started. We were so exhausted and wet. Wet because of the rain and maybe because of the sweat.

We reacehd the building and figured that it had no name from the outside or from the road. That was why we had a hard time finding it. Now we did... after like 3hours of walking. We entered the building very wet, tired and exhausted.

It wasn't an ad agency. It was a medical jounral something... But I was there so what the heck, I said.

I was interviewed by "supposed relative." She asked a lot of things; my salary preference, what i love doing, my family, etc... The she told me that they would call me for an interview within this week.

And earlier today they did. My first job interview will be on May 20 2pm at their building. Whatever happens there It would be totally okay.

Southmall and Boredom

It's 1:40pm. Am at Southmall here at Las Pinas. My boyfriend and I are supposed to meet here. He's near this place. Arrived here at around 11am and called his cellphone but nobody's answering. Well actually, Aubrey Miles is the one answering the phone. It's one of those you download wherein somebody will receive your call (more specifically celebrities like Aubrey and Pia Guano) but to the person you are calling he/she will only here his/her phone ringing... Did you get me?

Anyways, so here I am all alone right now. Took my lunch, had my coffee and cigarette and called him again and again... Looks like he's really sleeping... tight. Well after this I'll just have to keep ringing him... Dunno wanna go home disappointed. And this place is like a hundered miles away from mine... Well that's an exaggeration but the heat outside while I was going here was unbearable.

Job Hunt Begins

It has been weeks since I graduated and I need to look for a job soon. And it starts today. Although I have been to ABC-5 two days ago with my friends. Today, my target is Summit Philippines in Ortigas.

Been bum for so long I got so bored. All I do is sleep, watch Tv and videos, surf the net for porn (hahaha) well not exactly, check my Friendster which is by the way is like malfunctioning all the time, my Friendzy (where I met Marvin, the love of my life), my Connexion (the newest), my Tickle (Ringo before) and my mails. I also chat when I'm done.

Back to the jobhunt. I really don't know what I wanna do. I would love to end up in advertising but I like to work too for a fashion magazine like Cosmopolitan or Preview.I am also thinking of going into advertising and at the same time being a contributor in a fashion magazine. But then again, I have to apply first, don't I? Can't expect companies to call me when they don't have my resume. Hahaha...

Well people wish me luck aight!

Have you heard of the beheading?

I was watching TV earlier and saw a flash report regarding a new beheading at Iraq... or I am not sure about the place. God! Where has humanity gone. Those people behind this should be ashamed of themselves. If they have hatred over Bush then why not behead him instead. Why involve a civilian whose family i'm sure right now is in deep agony and hatred as well.

Terror really is in the air again. This incident will sure be BIG considering that the Philippines is known for its support for Bush. GMA should withdraw the country's support for the one who trully spreads terror around the globe.

War aint the answer at the very beginning.

I miss this blog

I am currently here at SM North Edsa Cyberzone Netopia. Got nothing else to do at home. My cousin won't let me use his photoshop so I got bored. I am planning to watch a movie later at around 5pm. There's a show at the Enetertainment plaza at the foodcourt. But I am not intersted.

I haven't posted it yet but I have a boyfriend. My first ever. Well, technically. His name is Marvin. I met him at Friendzy. He's cute and funny and smart and witty and nice and.... hayyyy... I am so in love right now. Can't even sleep tight at night...

Anyways, hope this blog will be updated always... And I like the new set-up blogger made... It's cute and more user-friendly.. Go Blogger.com!!!