FEELING SO OUT OF PLACE

So I bought a new phone yesterday so i can finally text him. MJ was nice enough to accompany me together with her bf and Jen. We were at Greenhills yesterday. Though not really my ideal phone, it's the unit I can afford as of now. I'll save up for my choice. Maybe after three months or so, I'll be able to get one of those camera phones.

So I texted him yesterday using MJ's phone. Told him that it was my day-off and that if he liked we can go out for coffee or something. I just wanted to meet him basically. See my angel once again. Guess what he said?

"I am walking my dog. I'll just save your number."

That's it. Two sentences that shook my shattered world again. What can I do? I couldn't hate him. Instead I hated myself for reasons I really don't know. Maybe I blame myself for the break-up. I dunno... I really don't.

I texted Emor about it and he said I should come with him to BED, Malate so I can loosen up and forget about him. Just to enjoy. I somehow hesitated. What would I do there? For sure he would have a date. So I thought. But after much convincing I finally gave in.

I wouldn't go there alone would I? So before I went home from Greenhills I went to an internet shop and got the number of that guy (Pacey) in my inbox in Downelink who told me he had a crush on me.

So I met him up and his friends. Well, it's a group actually which I am a member of. This is my first time see them and seated there in one corner of the table, smoking, and being budge from left to right and back by people passing by felt like hell. I felt so out of place. It seemes I was the ugliest guy/gay in that spot of the world. Or maybe in the whole world.

Obviously, Pacey didn't like me at all. So I figured I had to get outta there immediately before I lose my sanity. I texted Emor to hurry up. He arrived and when I finished my bottle of Strong Ice I followed him to another table where his friends were. From UP. And one of them was my classmate in Psych 101.

After a round of beers, we decided to enter BED. And then, doom came knocking...

Here's my notes in my phone while I was alone puffing my cigarette...
(In text languange)

2:45am.
BED so crowded. Got out of there. Lost Emor and his friends. Feels so out of place. This is beginning to be a bad idea after all. Shud have stayed home and rested instead. I'm all alone. They don't lyk me. Nobody does. Another confirmation that I'm gonna be alone, sad and pathetic. Better stop dreaming. Hair gel and expensive clothes can't hide my ugliness. I so see my future. Hope had work today instead. At least I'll feel appreciated there. If it's only a feeling then I'll enjoy it while it lasts. I am so miserable. Better stop meeting guys. They wudn't lyk me. 2nyt is another proof. Today sucks. My life sucks.

After a few minutes of being myself in that corner which was my world for that night, Edgar, another guy from Downelink came up.

Finally met Edgar from Downelink. he's cute but he obviously doesn't lyk me. Another slap on the face. But then again, I shudn't be surprised. Happens all the tym. Teary-eyed now. Where's the tissue?

BACK OUTSIDE

It has been two days since Marvin left that email. I replied twice and I still haven't received a single note from him. Maybe he was right. He was only in a good mood when he sent me that lettoy. Maybe, after he sent that message he realized that it was wrong, that he made a mistake.

Now I am out of that tabernacle. Again. I will be lying here outside waiting for the rain to pour and flood me with misery. Tears will start flowing and my decadence will start showing once again. I shouldn't be surprised nor shocked. This is what always happen, doesn't it? One time I am happy, the next thing I know I am back to myself.

Maybe I was expecting too much. Although I know it was wrong, so wrong but once again, my feelings for him got the best of me. It only shows that I haven't been able to move on. Not a single step. And now I am realizing that maybe it is my choice to be here. Or maybe I don't have a choice. I am so fixiated with the idea of loving him that waiting for him seems like the only option.

I know I am a fool but if loving someone means making a fool of one's self, then I am definitely a fool. No questions about that.

For now I will stay here outside the tabernacle until another invitation comes out of the door.

*sigh

THE RAIN HAS STOPPED

The rain has stopped. I don’t know if it’ll be for a long time but I am happy that it did. I was so bruised and flogged with pain that I hadn’t seen it coming. I hadn’t prognosticated that it’ll happen, that my wish would actually come true. I just hope it’ll be forever. If only I hadn’t known better, that forever is just a fantasy.

But just the same I am joyful that he had made himself felt. Again. With those words I see hope, hope that I can hold on to and smile even for a moment. Those words were music to my ears. My shaking, lymphatic body breathes life again.

It’s hard to put it in words. What I feel right now is more than I can grasp. I smile and cry at the same time.

Could this be a start of a new beginning? Or am I just making a tabernacle of dreams and hopes? Whatever this is, I will stay in it as long as I can, relieve the memories we shared and spent my time here waiting, hoping he’ll come back.

He gave me his number too which made me so happy I could almost hear the rumpus of church bells in that quiet lounge room on the office. Reading that email from him was like walking to the stairways of heaven. Light and joyful. I would have yelped for joy. If only there was no one in that room sleeping. But just the same, my heart was ecstatic, it was suddenly electrified with love.

Am I insane? Can this be true? If this is a dream then I would never wanna wake up.

*sigh

OFFICE CRAZE

Okay Brent, here it is. I know you have been waiting for this. ^_^

So many things have happened during the days I weren't posting anything. I just don't know where to begin. But I'll try anyways.

Work has really its ups and downs. I experienced it first hand. Last week everyone was unsure if we would stay in the program or be transferred to another program. There have been two raffles which determined who were to leave the program and be transferred to another program as technical supports.

I don't know if I am fortunate or otherwise but my name wasn't on the list of the peeps to be transferred. Most of my friends were picked out from the lot and this made me confused. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go with them and file for transfer or if I wanted to stay in the program. I gave it a thought and decided that I would transfer. Well basically, the pay is much higher there and also Emor filed for a transfer as well. So those basically were my reasons for filing a transfer. The next day I found out that Emor had his transfer differed so this really made me confused even more. And then I asked for advice from friends who are gonna stay in the program and they helped me in deciding that I should stay. And that's it. I am still here, hoping that I'll be able to perfrom my job well.

I do miss the peeps who got transferred out of the program. Thank God for Microsoft Outlook, we are able to communicate and send out email to one another.

*Sigh

One hour to go till the end of my shift. I gotta get some sleep because later in the afternoon I'm gonna watch Meet the Fockers with my teammates. I also have a shift right after. argh!

CREATIVE DAW

Wheew... I didn't know that what I write could have that effect on people. Earlier I sent out my profile image that I have for downelink.com to my friends and a lot of people saw it. They asked me to send them the image as well and when they read what was written, Kristine almost cried. Said she felt the same way, especially the last part. They even thought it was a poem.

Val even retyped it and got it printed out of the office printer. She also asked me if she could post it in her blog and was insitently asking that I make a title for it. I told her that it was not a poem and that if she really want to put a title for it, she just have to use untitled. Hahaha... So much for those creative juices. Am I running out of them?

Another asked me why I didn't make writing a profession. Well, the pay is really not that good and I ain't that confident in my writing skills yet. I need more practice.

Wheew... I am happy that people like what I write and it feels really great. They also like my images that I make especially my Outlook signatures and templates. I often get comments like, "How do you do that?" Someone sent me an email saying, "Maganda grabe masyadong madrama! punong puno ka kaya ng drama!I also want to learn kung paano mo ginawa itong design specially yung picture below na para something that i cant define as of press time."
Now isn't that good to my ears... Hahahaha...

Anyways, I finally met Chase from upstairs and we had a smoke during my last break. Hahaha. After a month or so of communicating through Outlook and we finally saw each other... He's just fine, I think.

Hayyy... It's my dayoff tomorrow. Wonder where I'll be... Hmmm... Any ideas?

MY SHIFT AND LUIS MANZANO

It's an hour before my shift ends and I am getting a bit sleepy and bored as well. All my friends already left and I am alone in this quadrant with a girl I dunno. I'm also feeling a bit lonely. Well, with all that is happening in the office lately, who wouldn't be? To make matters worse, the temperature is like so low that I zipped my jacket up to my neck. My hands are feeling abit shaky right now and I figured if I typed something maybe the shaking will fade. Still cold though. I am not going back to this work station again.

Well, everyone is still on hype regarding the transfer that's gonna happen again early next week. Some are excited, some not. I am somewhere in between. I haven't decided yet if I want to be transfered or not. But that doesn't really depend on me because if my name will be drawn from the list then I'll have no choice but if I wouldn't be transfered and Andrew gets transfered then might as well file for transfer. What would I do here? All my friends are being transfered. No use staying in this program, right?

I think I am gonna get a running nose because of the cold. I just hope not. Last night on my way at work it was so windy and I thought it's gonna rain but so far I haven't seen a single drop of rain. In fact there are a lot of people outside partying. I even saw Luis Manzano when me and Inna were having coffee at Starbucks last night. He ain't that cute. I like him more on posters. But when he starts speaking, omg, I can't helped but be turned off. He was with this guy (ugly). They were talkking about something. As much as I would like to evesdrop, I couldn't. Hahaha... Doesn't matter. I don't care anyway.

Last 50 minutes. Better get to work.

AND SO I THOUGHT IT'S OVER

We can't have it all, really. Okay, so I found my Pussy, finally, last night. My TL* had it and he returned it to me yesterday. PIP* is also over so right now I am taking in calls. I should be happy, right? Right? Well I am not.

When I came in to office today, I knew that the list of people to be transfered to another program has already been finalized. More or less I had an idea of who the people were before I went to office. And unfortunately most of them were already my friends. I arrived atr work 4 hours before my shift so I had plenty of time to mingle and ask questions to people about what was happening, about the people who are going to transfered.

While I was having my cigarette downstairs I saw Mr.D (remember him?) and the rest of his team mates who were having a general assembly at Gloria Jeans (some coffee shop). He was waving goodbye to me. I asked why though I already knew the reason. Emor was with him. They were talking (heart to heart I think) about something. They both looked devastated. You see Emor is staying in the program while Mr.D is leaving.

I suddenly had a change of mood. I started my day right actually. I went to SM, had a haircut and watched Ocean's Twelve (I think the first one is better by the way). I was so excited to go to work since I was gonna take in calls. I haven't been taking calls since the 22nd of December, thus the excitement. But then when I saw Jeff and the rest of the peeps, I felt sad. I think this is unfair. You see, the people who are gonna be transfered had been decided through a raffle. Mr.D is doing great in his job. So are the rest of the people. I feel guilty. I should be in their shoes right now.

*sigh

And so I thought this nightmare is over, that everything is gonna be fine. Well, another news broke my supposedly happy face. By next week another bunch of people, around 7 or 8 will be shed off from the program. Same process. Raffle. So there's a big chance that I am gonna be one of them. The news is really leaving everyone hanging. Nobody can be too sure.

Well whatever happens I just hope I will still be employed after next week. Can't afford to be jobless now.

BAIT KO TALAGA

Ang bait bait ko talaga!

Ahehehe. Last night on myw ay home with AJ, we came across an old lady carrying lots of baggage. We didn't bother at first then after a few steps ahead of her we looked at each other and one thing came to mind, to both of our minds. She needed help and help she would get.

So we did help her. I carried this plastic container and mind you it was heavy. Real heavy. While AJ got a palstic bag which I think was heavy too. I could tell by how he walked and how his body swayed.

We carried her stuff from Ali Mall to Edsa. Imagine the distance but we managed. We talked while walking. I even managed to puff a stick. Of course, I was hiding the pain that baggage was doing to my arm, left and right.

It also happened that the old lady was going my way home. So we took the same bus. She even offered to pay for my fare. Of course I declined. Nakakahiya naman. But it was nice of her to offer. I appreciated it.

AJ, on the other hand, was willing to wait for us get a bus before going ahead and crossing the road because he would take a different route from us. I insisted he went ahead because he might find it hard to get a bus home.

Me and Manang (I forgot her name though she told me on the bus) did not wait long for a bus arrived after a few minutes. On the bus we talked about where she was from, I mean that particular night (or was it early morning?). She was from Bicol and that she had been there since Saturday. Babang luksa daw. She also told me that she has three children, one working at Mister Donut.

So much for a fun talk, I had to get off the bus before her because my place was the first stop. We said out goodbyes and take cares.

After that I realized how good it felt to have helped somebody who needed help but wasn't actually asking for it. I mean she was there managing herself with those heavy loads and me and AJ only had a small bag. AJ had been equally kind and helpful as well. I am happy we did that. I think this would be a happy year no matter what my problems are at work.

AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE STRAIGHT SPECIES

Was in the elevator going up after having my yosi (after lunch) and there were these three girls who were talking about a guy who hadto choose between a gay lover and his girlfriend. According to them, if they were in the gf's situation, they would rather be left for another girl than for a gay guy. Now here's the insulting part. And I quote, "let's understand na pag yung gay guy yung pinili, it's gonna be because of financial matter." Argh!

Are we that low? Are straight guys that abusive? Are gay guys that stupid?

It felt so weird being the only guy, gay at that, in that elevator with those girls. What I don't get is why gay guys go for straight guys when they know these guys would only use them, would empty them of their wallets. Have we not matured? Hey, it's the 21st century... or you've been sleeping all these years!

It's time we put our flags up and be proud of our being gay, of our gender, of who and what we are. It's time to come out of the shadows and let the world know we can do better, we can contribute to the society, that we actually can change the world.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against straight people. It's their prejudice and bias against "us" that puts me into a bad face. Hello!!!

BAKIT?

"Bakit ganito ang buhay ng tao. Mayroong mayaman, may api sa mundo."

Why? I too don’t know. Why do wee see children on our way to office or school begging for alms, selling sampaguitas when they should be in school building their future, their life? Why do we see old people, almost our grandmothers and fathers knocking our car windows with their palms open and their bare foot on the ground, asking for food or money or anything we could offer when they should be at home resting and making a house a home? Why?

I too, don’t know.

On my way home tonight, three old women hopped in on the bus I’m on and took their seats just in front of me. The other woman couldn’t see, or was she blind, that the two other woman and the conductor of the bus helped her sit. They were wearing old torn clothes. I noticed one of them on bare foot and then I felt a sudden numbness on my face. I don’t know but my heart grew heavy and my mood on the down low. My eyes went wet though I wiped them off immediately. Then the conductor came back and asked for their fare. Right there and then I wanted to tell the man to spare them of the fare. I wanted to offer that I pay for them instead. I wanted to give them the 500 peso bill that I had on my wallet which I borrowed from AJ earlier when we were having lunch at KFC across the office building. I wanted to give that old lady money to at least relieve her of the pain of walking on bare foot. But I too was broke. Just like them, I am poor.

While the rest of us can enjoy life’s pleasure, these people have to work hard just to have food on their tables. While we enjoy our seats inside the Greenbelt III movie houses watching the latest flick, they have to be in the streets asking other people to feed them, for whatever excess centavo we have in our pockets. While we are wasting money on useless things we buy from these so-called signature shops, they have to sew and re-sew their old torn clothes just to protect them from the heat and pollution of Edsa and the coldness of the night. While we can enjoy our HBO’s and MTV’s they have to look through their neighbors’ windows just to have a little time of enjoyment in their hectic and hard life. While we sip our tall-sized white iced chocolate mocha from Starbucks, they can only wish they can live like us.

Now why is that? I too don’t know.

What I do know is that I feel for these people. I share their sentiments. I know their life.

Isn’t it that everytime we see these people we feel some kind of burden in our hearts? We feel pain at how cruel and unjust this world is. We let out a sigh and wish it were all different, that we could all be equal, that life were a lot easier.

The truth is, life ain’t. And all we could do is hope and hope and hope. But what is there to hope when reality would slap you in the face and open your eyes to what is real, to what is there. Then we wake up from dreaming and we are confronted with a sad, cruel and shitty world. A world where there would always be the rich and then there’s the poor.

*sigh

MY PUSSY IS MISSING

Gosh. It's only 11:40 AM and I am already here in the office. My shift starts at 2PM. Well, like they say, it's better to be early than late, right? So I'm gonna waste my free time sending email through Outlook to all the peeps I know. I actualyl sent out my very first email for today aptly titled "Have you seen my alarm clock?" Yes, I left my pussy here last night. Pussy cat, you silly you! It's a small white alarm clock in a form of a cat. I names it Pussy. Hahaha...

It has been given to me by Honey a few days back as a Christmas present. It's really cute and the alarm is really loud so there's gonna be no reason for me not to wake up. Hahaha... the reason Honey gave it to me is because of the incident before that I was late for two hours because I haven't been able to wake up form my deep slumber at CC3 (call center 3, still in Eastwood, separate building) lounge before. I don't know if it's an insult but I am grateful anyhow.

I remember a few years back I got a hand sanitizer from a friend as a birthday present. I was kinda shocked and told her, "Ano ako?! Bacteria?!" Just the same, I was glad. Hahaha... But it was such a good laugh. Well, a card went with it so there's really nothing to be mad about.

Hmm.. Now I am really bored. Got nothing to do anymore. Maybe I'll just stay in the lounge and sleep for a bit. But then again, Pussy is not with me so I might not be able to wake up in time. Argh! Maybe I'll go online then. There's a free internet in the lounge but I hope there ain't nobody using it right now. *Sigh...

A LOT OF MOCKING IN THE OFFICE

There are a lot of mocking going on in the office today!

Hahaha... not that you stupid! We are doing mock calls today. Remember, the training? So as part of the training we are being called by trainers and they are pretending to be customers. Well so far it's all fine. I mean, my calls were. But this is getting so boring. So boring indeed. To be fair with the trainers though, we actually learn new things about the product and the procedures for certain inquiries. Hayyy...

SoI had my certification for PIP (performance improvement program) last night before my shift ended and I think I did well with both the calls that have been recorded. I had three calls but only three were considered for recording. From what I know, those recorded calls will be sent to American Express Salt Lake City in Utah so the QA's there can rate them. Hayyy... I hope there's gonna be bo terrorism that's gonna happen. Hahahaha...

I would actually love to pass that certification eventhough maybe around February, there will be a cut down of employees in the program since it is not the peak season anymore. Chances are, I might be transfered to another program, I hope inbound, because of, again, scorecards. My grades are way below passing. There's a program in the Makati building that I heard has slots for new employees and I hope if ever I get to be transfered, it's gonna be there. I heard it'sgood and it's simple and it's fun. That way, I am gonna be near Marvin... Hahahaha... Still hoping... Argh!

I have work tomorrow. If I'm gonna start taking in calls I don't know but accroding to the scehdule, we are supposed to have buddy-ups, again... Then Monday and Tuesdays are our day-offs. Got no plans actually. I am broke so basically I couldn't get out of the house evenif I so want to. Ocean's Twelve is already in the cinemas and Ipromised myself ever since I saw its trailer that I would watch it when it comes out of the cinemas. Hayyy... I hope I get to see it before its too late. Or else I would be forced to buy a pirated DVD copy of the movie and watch it at home instead.

Grrrr... I am so bored. 30 minutes more and I amout of this office. Bye everyone.

IM FAMOUS... or so they say

ria: hi brew..lamu ur famous in our section na..everyone's talking about you, hu u are at paano mo napaglalamanan ang mga blog namin..lupet..pero ganda ng blog mo..=)link mo ko huh!tnx
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Hahaha... I am intrigued with a message in my taggy about me being famous in her class. Hahaha.. I am flattered, really flattered.

I am happy of course. I did not know my blog could reach so many people. Maybe I visited her/their websites and left a message with my link. Hmmm... that's called promotions baby!

Anyways, today's THE EXAM and THE CERTIFICATION for me to be able to stay in the program I am currently with at work. Hayyy. I hope I pass. I really do. As sson as yesterday when I heard about it, that it'll be today, I got really nervous but of course, I tried hard not to show it. Remember Mr. Perky? Hahaha...

The training yesterday went well. We had so much fun with Jeremy, the trainer who by the way just got promoted, again. I wonder when I'll be promoted. Hahaha.. I'll go straight to being the CEO of eTelecare. (dreams, dreams, dreams) He's from UP too so that gives as something to talk about. I think he's gay. Hahaha... silencio! Talking about the company, I think it has already changed it's name from eTelecare International to eTelecare Global Solutions. I like the previous one better. Don't you? The latter sounds like a detergent product of something. ahehehe...

Off to work! Can't afford to be late. Ahehehe... I already received a warning letter for an absence I made last December 22, a day before my birthday. Scary.... Grrrrr....

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Before I go though, here's something I made for my Downelink profile. Enjoy...

MY FIRST TAGALOG POST

My first Tagalog post.

Hayy... buhay. Nandito nga ako sa office la naman ginagawa. Nakakainis di ba? I am so bored. Kasi naman, bakit ang bobo ko. Baba ng scorecards ko. They were way below passing. Yung mga calls pa na yun ang na-eval ng mga QA. How malas can you get!!!

Anyways, just had lunch with AJ. Had beef for lunch. Take note: when I say lunch it does not necessarily mean na tanghali yun. It could be early in the morning or late in the evening depending on when my shift starts. Now, had my lunch at 6pm since my shift started at 2pm. Here's how it goes: after two hours is my first 15-minute break. Now this could be my yosi break or snack, depending on the time again. Coz you see, when it's morning or late afternoon, the elevator can get so pretty jammed up and it would take you more than five minutes to get to and fro the ground floor. So when my break lands on a time when people are coming in and out of the office, I just take a snack, usually a Hansel sandwhich from the vending machine in the pantry. The after another two hours comes my lunch. Now this one hour so I usually eat outside since I don't bring baon with me to the office. McDonald is my fave during the wee hours because it's the only store open and a burger is pretty cheap, without the drinks and fries of course. Nagdadala ako ng ice tea which is free by the way from the office. One of the perks you get from being an eTel employee including a free coffee or different variety. So di ba, tipid especially now na mahirap kumita. Now I know how it is. So kailangang magtipid. Then two hours before my log-out is my final break or last break. This is another 15-minute thing. Same goes here as the first break. No need to further expound.

So there, I have just divulged to you how the office works. But now, it's really boring... Sobra!!! Nakikinig lang kami ng calls of other agents, ito nag-a-outlook to friends (which is getting pretty boring as well kasi iba sched ng friends ko from me), or nagdadaldalan with my officemates na nakatraining din.

Kelan kaya recertification ko? Makakapasa kaya ako? What will happen to me now?

I can only wait...

*sigh


This is weird having to write an entry in Tagalaog. Nakakalito.

NEW YEAR, NEW OUTLOOK? NAHH....

Happy New Year!

So we are supposed to start the new year right, huh?! But me, I think might have started it the wrong way. Not that I cursed it or anything but it seems that all my problems and worries kicked in during the start of 2005. let me give a quick background of what these problems were/are.

First, I have got no cell phone. Still busted. I don’t really think it’ll be okay again. I need to buy a new one coz it’s making my life hell. My supervisor cannot text me of what is happening in the office nor can my officemates. Especially now that I am on a not-so-fixed status again. Remember retraining? The thing is, I can’t save up for it from my salary because it ain’t enough. You see, I’m sharing my salary with my three other brothers who are in college. Needless to say, I am their big bro and I give them allowance for school, just as I promised my parents. The result, total disaster on my part coz my money is gone even before my next salary. Right now, I’m gonna be broke soon. Argh!

Second, I keep thinking about Marvin. Did he ever love me? Was everything he said to me the truth? His last message to me got me thinking, a lot. Yes, I sent him a message through Downelink. Apparently he has a second account already and I added that account to my list. I saw the opportunity to message him, again. He approved my invite and like the rest of the guys there I sent out invites to, I said thanks, in a form of a graphic with 3 doors down singing in the background. I also told him I wasn’t expecting he’d approve it and that I miss him so much. Guess what he told me? It goes something like this, “I have moved on so far away from that point in my life and I am happy.” Ouch! A big ouch!

So I have been thinking of totally hating him but I can’t bring myself to do that. Last night after a movie marathon, while puffing my cigarette across the neighbor’s garage and staring at the blank sky I tried to convince myself out of my obsession to him. Obsession. What a strong word. But I guess that is how I feel. I am so obsessed and possessed by him that I can’t get away from what is now the past. Maybe I am just afraid that nobody would love me anymore, or at least make me feel so loved as Marvin did, and time is never on our side. Maybe I am afraid to get old and bitter and loveless. I am not saying that I can’t turn a head or two. But I don’t want these guys. Why can’t be love a lot easier? The guys you don’t like are the ones who like you. I know I won’t settle for less, I can’t. I have too much pride for myself. I know I deserve someone better but I don’t know if he’ll come running back to me anytime soon. Or maybe he’ll never pass my way. It seems God has put walls around me… I hope not.

Third are my frustrations from work. Emphasis on the “s.” You know, the retraining and shit. If you have been reading this blog you’d know what I mean.

*Sigh…

There are many more. But if I write them all then it would take me forever just thinking about the right words to describe how it feels.

I am sorry if there has been nothing in this blog but my worries and shit. As much as I want to write about how beautiful life is and how perfect it is, I can’t. inspiration has gone low and depression is overflowing. And this my friends is my life. This blog is the only channel wherein I can show my venting frustrations and every shit life has out me on. Life sucks! I always say this coz it’s true. Now I don’t want to ruin your new year, so I’m letting this go. For now.

Once again, happy new year!

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I have finally posted something. After days of hiatus... Hayy.. I finally came out of bed and reality bumped me in the head once more. Off to work!

5 THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR 2004

HAPPY NEW YEAR…
FIVE Things I am thankful for 2004:

1. I am thankful that I was able to graduate as expected. Took it for just four years baby!!!

2. I am thankful that I got a job as a call center associate in eTelecare. Though my future there is now under question. But I’m still happy I am working.

3. I also had the third version of my website this year. Brew now sees the world upside down.

4. I also had my first nude pictures taken this year. Hahaha… Dami career…

5. And finally 2004 was the year when I met my Marvin, the first guy I really really loved sincerely and whole-heartedly. Nothing can compare to what I feel for him. He was my angel.

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Honestly I am depressed…

*sobs