FEELING SO OUT OF PLACE

So I bought a new phone yesterday so i can finally text him. MJ was nice enough to accompany me together with her bf and Jen. We were at Greenhills yesterday. Though not really my ideal phone, it's the unit I can afford as of now. I'll save up for my choice. Maybe after three months or so, I'll be able to get one of those camera phones.

So I texted him yesterday using MJ's phone. Told him that it was my day-off and that if he liked we can go out for coffee or something. I just wanted to meet him basically. See my angel once again. Guess what he said?

"I am walking my dog. I'll just save your number."

That's it. Two sentences that shook my shattered world again. What can I do? I couldn't hate him. Instead I hated myself for reasons I really don't know. Maybe I blame myself for the break-up. I dunno... I really don't.

I texted Emor about it and he said I should come with him to BED, Malate so I can loosen up and forget about him. Just to enjoy. I somehow hesitated. What would I do there? For sure he would have a date. So I thought. But after much convincing I finally gave in.

I wouldn't go there alone would I? So before I went home from Greenhills I went to an internet shop and got the number of that guy (Pacey) in my inbox in Downelink who told me he had a crush on me.

So I met him up and his friends. Well, it's a group actually which I am a member of. This is my first time see them and seated there in one corner of the table, smoking, and being budge from left to right and back by people passing by felt like hell. I felt so out of place. It seemes I was the ugliest guy/gay in that spot of the world. Or maybe in the whole world.

Obviously, Pacey didn't like me at all. So I figured I had to get outta there immediately before I lose my sanity. I texted Emor to hurry up. He arrived and when I finished my bottle of Strong Ice I followed him to another table where his friends were. From UP. And one of them was my classmate in Psych 101.

After a round of beers, we decided to enter BED. And then, doom came knocking...

Here's my notes in my phone while I was alone puffing my cigarette...
(In text languange)

2:45am.
BED so crowded. Got out of there. Lost Emor and his friends. Feels so out of place. This is beginning to be a bad idea after all. Shud have stayed home and rested instead. I'm all alone. They don't lyk me. Nobody does. Another confirmation that I'm gonna be alone, sad and pathetic. Better stop dreaming. Hair gel and expensive clothes can't hide my ugliness. I so see my future. Hope had work today instead. At least I'll feel appreciated there. If it's only a feeling then I'll enjoy it while it lasts. I am so miserable. Better stop meeting guys. They wudn't lyk me. 2nyt is another proof. Today sucks. My life sucks.

After a few minutes of being myself in that corner which was my world for that night, Edgar, another guy from Downelink came up.

Finally met Edgar from Downelink. he's cute but he obviously doesn't lyk me. Another slap on the face. But then again, I shudn't be surprised. Happens all the tym. Teary-eyed now. Where's the tissue?