Conversation With An Ex

I am sure you all remember H&K. Well for those who didn't know, he is my boyfriend (rather ex bf) after Marvin (the first Marvin). We lasted I think a month and four days. The relationship didn't work out for me. I was too much attached with Marvin yet and my feeling were still with him. So I let go of H&K.

We were talking earlier over the phone. Most of the conversation went around on how cruel and selfish I am with him and Jerome and Marvin (new). He feels they are all my victims. He told me he feels sorry for these guys that they had to meet me and let me ruin their lives.

I laughed at first pretending these stuff he's talking about did not hit. I kept asking for the truth, if I was really that way. He affirmed with conviction and curse. I was born to hurt people, he said.

Towards the end of the conversation he iriterated these things over and over again. It seemed he was convinced that I treated them unruly, that I was a bastard ruining other people's lives. Well at least the guys I was with.

And he wishes that I met someone who'd hurt me so bad that I'd take my own life. That I'll be hurt enough to kill myself.

Then it finally hit me. Tears came running down my eyes. It hit me so bad that my face was numb, my heart aching. I just had to admit and face it. I told him he was right... absolutely right. I am a loser. I am a bastard.

Then Jerome texted me saying that Marvin (new) has a new bf. That soon? That can't be. So I texted Marvin and ask. He replied, "Wag mo akong igaya sau..." He also told me that if it would hurt me to know he has found someone else than he'd go for it. He'd go looking for another lover just so i would know how it is to be hurt.

If only they know how I am hurting inside. If only they know that I am suffering the pain I've caused them as much as they do.

I am so sorry. I guess I never really did get over Marvin (first).