April 29 - came new boyfriend.
Name - Zeus
Meet him at DL
*****
So I am here at Yes (Recto) with the new guy. He seems so nonp-chalant about my existence. We're with his friends... or rather, I am with him and his friends drinking beer. I wish I were alone with himl. We'll do more than drink and listen to some lame music the DJ is playing.
Argh! His friend (gay may I add) just gave me a flower made of some cigarette paper (Marlboro Lights). Told me to keep it and put in on a vase. Hahaha... Sweet but not my type. So not.
Argh! Now I am alone with his friends. Bf just left. Where? Haven't got the vaguest clue. Hope he gets back before boredom slaps me. You know me, I easily get bored.
*****
Zeus? I like him. No, I love him... a lot. But I don't quite know if he feels the same way for me... I mean for real. He says he does and all through text but... I'll stop there... I'm going paranoid again. Or maybe he does. Nahhh... Who am I kidding? Argh! I am gonna burst into tears any moment now. Must stop. Brew, control yourself! Oh God, I am talking to myself. Am I developing a split personality disorder? Scary.
*****
I just told him I love you. NO REACTION. Not even a single word. This must mean something. Does he love me for real? What do you think? Please help me.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Friday, April 29, 2005
Sun and Somebody
And so time passes by and I am left without somebody. Though prospects are all over, I couldn't really make sure who to choose.
Not that I am lonely or anything. My cousins are enough to keep me company for the whole day. Chit chats, pillow fights and stuff. Sex has been a secondary thing.
Is it just me or the sun is kissing my face? God, the heat is just unbearable. Don'e you agree? I mean I was at Pier 8 hours ago because I had to accompany my brother who was going home to the province and the sun is really shitty. I feel so dark already. I wish I was in Boracay or something. It has been like years since I stepped foot on the island. I really miss it. I remember the days when me and my high school friends would just go there by boat from our island and spend a night or two to a whole week there. Then Boracay was just four hours away... and everyhting was cheaper.
Anyways, one of my many cousins (father side) will be celebrating his brithday (i'm sorry I dunno how old he's gonna be) on May 3 and I heard my Tita say they're gonna celebrate it at Water Fun. I think it's in Paranaque. So I am gonna be there. The last time I was in a pool was that Bataan thingy.
Hayyy... I am so bored.
Not that I am lonely or anything. My cousins are enough to keep me company for the whole day. Chit chats, pillow fights and stuff. Sex has been a secondary thing.
Is it just me or the sun is kissing my face? God, the heat is just unbearable. Don'e you agree? I mean I was at Pier 8 hours ago because I had to accompany my brother who was going home to the province and the sun is really shitty. I feel so dark already. I wish I was in Boracay or something. It has been like years since I stepped foot on the island. I really miss it. I remember the days when me and my high school friends would just go there by boat from our island and spend a night or two to a whole week there. Then Boracay was just four hours away... and everyhting was cheaper.
Anyways, one of my many cousins (father side) will be celebrating his brithday (i'm sorry I dunno how old he's gonna be) on May 3 and I heard my Tita say they're gonna celebrate it at Water Fun. I think it's in Paranaque. So I am gonna be there. The last time I was in a pool was that Bataan thingy.
Hayyy... I am so bored.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Conversation With An Ex
I am sure you all remember H&K. Well for those who didn't know, he is my boyfriend (rather ex bf) after Marvin (the first Marvin). We lasted I think a month and four days. The relationship didn't work out for me. I was too much attached with Marvin yet and my feeling were still with him. So I let go of H&K.
We were talking earlier over the phone. Most of the conversation went around on how cruel and selfish I am with him and Jerome and Marvin (new). He feels they are all my victims. He told me he feels sorry for these guys that they had to meet me and let me ruin their lives.
I laughed at first pretending these stuff he's talking about did not hit. I kept asking for the truth, if I was really that way. He affirmed with conviction and curse. I was born to hurt people, he said.
Towards the end of the conversation he iriterated these things over and over again. It seemed he was convinced that I treated them unruly, that I was a bastard ruining other people's lives. Well at least the guys I was with.
And he wishes that I met someone who'd hurt me so bad that I'd take my own life. That I'll be hurt enough to kill myself.
Then it finally hit me. Tears came running down my eyes. It hit me so bad that my face was numb, my heart aching. I just had to admit and face it. I told him he was right... absolutely right. I am a loser. I am a bastard.
Then Jerome texted me saying that Marvin (new) has a new bf. That soon? That can't be. So I texted Marvin and ask. He replied, "Wag mo akong igaya sau..." He also told me that if it would hurt me to know he has found someone else than he'd go for it. He'd go looking for another lover just so i would know how it is to be hurt.
If only they know how I am hurting inside. If only they know that I am suffering the pain I've caused them as much as they do.
I am so sorry. I guess I never really did get over Marvin (first).
We were talking earlier over the phone. Most of the conversation went around on how cruel and selfish I am with him and Jerome and Marvin (new). He feels they are all my victims. He told me he feels sorry for these guys that they had to meet me and let me ruin their lives.
I laughed at first pretending these stuff he's talking about did not hit. I kept asking for the truth, if I was really that way. He affirmed with conviction and curse. I was born to hurt people, he said.
Towards the end of the conversation he iriterated these things over and over again. It seemed he was convinced that I treated them unruly, that I was a bastard ruining other people's lives. Well at least the guys I was with.
And he wishes that I met someone who'd hurt me so bad that I'd take my own life. That I'll be hurt enough to kill myself.
Then it finally hit me. Tears came running down my eyes. It hit me so bad that my face was numb, my heart aching. I just had to admit and face it. I told him he was right... absolutely right. I am a loser. I am a bastard.
Then Jerome texted me saying that Marvin (new) has a new bf. That soon? That can't be. So I texted Marvin and ask. He replied, "Wag mo akong igaya sau..." He also told me that if it would hurt me to know he has found someone else than he'd go for it. He'd go looking for another lover just so i would know how it is to be hurt.
If only they know how I am hurting inside. If only they know that I am suffering the pain I've caused them as much as they do.
I am so sorry. I guess I never really did get over Marvin (first).
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Fall of Bataan II Pics
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Another Sad Story of my Life
It's official. He already said his goodbyes (15April05) and I didn't even have the guts to stop him. What for? I have done such a cruel thing to him. I hurt his feelings and betrayed his trust. Just when everything was going perfectly okay, this tragedy had to come knocking on our door. And it's all my fault.
Now I am back to singlehood. I should be happy right? Well I ain't!!! I miss my Marvin so much and I love so sincerely.
But he's gone. And he won't come back. He told me so. He asked me to stop texting him coz it's killing him with pain and disappointment.
Another sad story of my life I guess... And it'll be forever engraved in my memory.
Now I am back to singlehood. I should be happy right? Well I ain't!!! I miss my Marvin so much and I love so sincerely.
But he's gone. And he won't come back. He told me so. He asked me to stop texting him coz it's killing him with pain and disappointment.
Another sad story of my life I guess... And it'll be forever engraved in my memory.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Christina in the Background
"If you wanna be with me baby there's a price to pay. I'm a genie in a bottle. You gotta rub me the right way..."
I am talking with Edsel (aka H&K) right now at YM. He sounds so mad at me for breaking up with him and making him see my new blog layout. He read about Marvin and the other guy, of course.
Don't get me wrong. I am not making his life miserable or anything. I still do love him mind you. I love all my ex's. There's this big part of me which is happy there's them. I am happy because they prove that I can be lovable no matter how monstrous I look like or how incompetent I am when it comes to relationships. Am I keeping them as trophies? I don't want to think of it that way. I just want to be friends with them.
Does this prove that I can't be alone, that I never wanna be the only one, I don't wanna be left out? Argh! Am I so dependent?
One thing is for sure though. I miss them and I tell that to everyone of them...
"... and when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top. You're always there giving me all you've got..."
I am talking with Edsel (aka H&K) right now at YM. He sounds so mad at me for breaking up with him and making him see my new blog layout. He read about Marvin and the other guy, of course.
Don't get me wrong. I am not making his life miserable or anything. I still do love him mind you. I love all my ex's. There's this big part of me which is happy there's them. I am happy because they prove that I can be lovable no matter how monstrous I look like or how incompetent I am when it comes to relationships. Am I keeping them as trophies? I don't want to think of it that way. I just want to be friends with them.
Does this prove that I can't be alone, that I never wanna be the only one, I don't wanna be left out? Argh! Am I so dependent?
One thing is for sure though. I miss them and I tell that to everyone of them...
"... and when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top. You're always there giving me all you've got..."
Stripped Naked
I am doomed. Karma is all over me.
Marvin finally found out about the other guy. And he was not happy about it. Neither did I. I love him so much that earlier that day I broke up with the other guy. But I guess no secret will remain a secret forever. I just hate it that it would come out in such a time. I was having a marvelous time with Marvin. We watched a movie, had sex and slept afterwards. Or so I thought.
Apparently, I was asleep when he got my cellphone. And there it was, a message that would ruin everything. "Musta na bhe." The other guy which I had broke up with earlier that day had dropped the bomb and it came blowing in my face.
He left the house mad. He was persistent. I didn't even get to stop him. I was like a child giving in to his request. He was leaving me.
That happened last night. And tonight, I am so miserable.
Marvin finally found out about the other guy. And he was not happy about it. Neither did I. I love him so much that earlier that day I broke up with the other guy. But I guess no secret will remain a secret forever. I just hate it that it would come out in such a time. I was having a marvelous time with Marvin. We watched a movie, had sex and slept afterwards. Or so I thought.
Apparently, I was asleep when he got my cellphone. And there it was, a message that would ruin everything. "Musta na bhe." The other guy which I had broke up with earlier that day had dropped the bomb and it came blowing in my face.
He left the house mad. He was persistent. I didn't even get to stop him. I was like a child giving in to his request. He was leaving me.
That happened last night. And tonight, I am so miserable.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
The Fall of Bataan II
It ain't really the fall of Bataan or something like that. I just like the sound of the title. Don't you?
UP OPTICS invaded La Vista Resort in Balanga, Bataan last April 13-14. The organization, (which I was once the President by the way) held it's sem-ender there in a resort owned by one of the new members.
The event was so fun. There were two applicants who did their final rights* there and they stripped naked while blindfolded. The best part is, the other guy was a long-time crush and I finally got to see him in his undies. Hahaha. And we belong from the same province too -- from the heart of the Philippines... Romblon!!!
Most of the new members I just met there for the first time. And to be fair with them, they have fun written all over.
I miss the good old days.
There's also one thing I realized. That no matter how rude and cruel I try to be, I just can't do it or at least pretend to. I just don't like seeing other people being harassed and manipulated and sad (sh*t! I am sure all of my ex's think otherwise).
******
*final rights - neophytes undergo this last process as a test of their allegiance, sincerity and commitment to the organization
UP OPTICS invaded La Vista Resort in Balanga, Bataan last April 13-14. The organization, (which I was once the President by the way) held it's sem-ender there in a resort owned by one of the new members.
The event was so fun. There were two applicants who did their final rights* there and they stripped naked while blindfolded. The best part is, the other guy was a long-time crush and I finally got to see him in his undies. Hahaha. And we belong from the same province too -- from the heart of the Philippines... Romblon!!!
Most of the new members I just met there for the first time. And to be fair with them, they have fun written all over.
I miss the good old days.
There's also one thing I realized. That no matter how rude and cruel I try to be, I just can't do it or at least pretend to. I just don't like seeing other people being harassed and manipulated and sad (sh*t! I am sure all of my ex's think otherwise).
******
*final rights - neophytes undergo this last process as a test of their allegiance, sincerity and commitment to the organization
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Brew Over Cigar 100% Comic
Do you like it?
I hope so.
I have finally decided to once again change the look of my website. Took me two days to make it and it is not yet done. The photo gallery will have more pictures as well as artworks by yours truly.
Gotta go! I'm uploading my files in geocities. Mwah! Enjoy your day!
I hope so.
I have finally decided to once again change the look of my website. Took me two days to make it and it is not yet done. The photo gallery will have more pictures as well as artworks by yours truly.
Gotta go! I'm uploading my files in geocities. Mwah! Enjoy your day!
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