Abysmally Forlorn

I am abysmally forlorn. These past few days has been nothing but depressing.

Work seems like impossible to find and I just lost the only relationship I have. And I am to blamed for both. 
 
Maybe it is true. I am better off alone. I mean it worked for me for the past 21 years, didn't it? Why would it fail me now? Right? 
 
Crying has been my game and Rejection my name for so long. I somehow missed that. And now I have every reason to be again. I am back to being an angst-ridden-world-hater bitch I was before. 
 
What was I thinking? I couldn't have believed it would last forever. I let love get me and now I have to pay the prize. 
 
And now I fortify myself because I was dumb and stupid and pathetic. I learned my lesson. Love ain't for me. Definitely not for me. 
 
I am putting up this facade that I am okay and that I am swiftly moving on when in fact I am trapped in this dimension of sour-graping and bitterness. Only time will tell if I am gonna stay here or not. But as of now I am gonna find ways to enjoy torturing myself while I am here. It's what I do best anyway. I am a masochist, am i not? I take pleasure from pain. Somehow I believe that.