My Laundry And Marvin

12:45 PM

The laundry's spinning. I have about 15 minutes before I go down again and drain the machine. I am here in my refuge. My bed.

A lot of people arrived today. My ever-so-negative-on-me grandmother, my equally-negative-on-me uncle, my cousins which I barely see anymore, and my Tita whom alledgedy had a secret marriage with her boyfriend. Turned out it wasn't really a secret. My grandmother told me she was married in front of a judge. I dunno thought if there is going to be a church wedding.

I am not excited. Oh no. Never. For the last four years or more I have seen how they treat us, our family. Me. My mother once told me not to hate them instead take it as some sort of a challenge. And I do. Someday I will prove to them I can make it. And graduating on time was the first step.

I am happy to see one cousin though. Catherine. My ever so twisted and confidant friend. We get along most of the time. Except that she loves to watch Tagalog films while I don't. Well I do occasionally given the good reviews and all. She called up yesterday and asked me to watch All my Life with her. I said, Duh! Never! But nevertheless, I love her. Amidst her young age, she's very mature and open-minded. If there's one person in the clan* who knows me, really, it would be her.

My 15 minutes is over. Better check my laundry.

2:08PM

Just finished laundry. Bought a bottle of Coke and made myself a peanut butter sandwich.

I remember Marvin. He seldom texts me anymore. He never calls like he used too. Well, his bill is going really up and I understand he's busy with work and all. And everytime he goes home he would sleep the whole day to rest. Then off to work come night time.

Maybe I am over reacting. Hayyy... I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe he's falling out of love from me. Maybe he has found somebody good to be with. Maybe he's thinking of a good way to break up. He shouldn't put much effort on thinking. He could just tell it to me straight, honest. I will understand. Rejection is my game anyway. Why would it be so different now?

Now I am officially PARANOID. I just hope he texts me soon. I know I love him. But if he breaks up with me, I ain't sure I'll be going into any relationships anymore. He is my first boyfriend and he will be the last. Whatever happens. Okay, I guess that's so final. But just in case...


*clan - includes immediate family and the extended family.