LIFE BEGINS NOW

A new Christian has been born. This time it is for real. This one is gonna be better, sexier and cuter. Hahaha…

After suffering from the “boringest” Saturday night of my life, I have come to realize so many things. I assessed myself from different angles; physically, psychologically, emotionally and the like. First things first. Earlier today, which was more like yesterday, I invited a friend, Serge, that we go to gym together. Fortunately, there was one near his place so that solved the problem of finding one. And it is a lot cheaper than those more famous gyms around. I think he would be a great company.

Actually I started working out earlier by lifting heavy stuff for 45 minutes. It really showed impressive results. I think I have a very good chance for making myself fit in no time at all. I even made a chart which I posted behind my bedroom door so I could record improvements I have made for every exercise. Hopefully, after a few months time, I could finally go out half naked on the beach or a pool or even inside bars. Haha…

Of course, I am gonna start taking vitamins and some protein supplements. Smoking will also have to be lessened. My goal is five sticks a day. I know that will a challenge but I am up for it. Eventually I will stop smoking or I will only smoke occasionally.

Second, I am gonna be serious on my job-hunting. I’m gonna attend my interviews and stuff. I am thinking of applying to GMA-7 or ABS-CBN or Studio 23 as a writer. If all else fails, I’m gonna go Call Centers. Besides, I need a job to support myself and the things I want/need. I am really starting to become an embarrassment to my parents and siblings. I am a degree holder from a premiere university and I have no job?! Shameful.

Third, I am gonna lessen my sexual apetite. If you have been reading my blog you should know that I am a very sexual person. I do it like twice a week, even everyday if I have the chance. I even have FBs (fuckbuddies).

And I have been thinking . I have hurt so many people for being a player so I decided to take things slow and maybe, just maybe, I will commit myself once again. Not just to anyone of course. I’m going for mature (21-29 years of age) and settled (like my first) guy. So if you are reading this and you think you somehow qualify, better hit me now. Hahaha…

What Happened?

I was in Malate, a famous party place for PLUs, last Saturday night with a guy I met earlier that day on the net. He wasn’t what I had expected. He was cuter on his pictures. We had a few drinks at New York Café and after headed to Red Banana due to my insistence.

The place was deserted when we got it considering it was RB’s first year anniversary. The heavy rain that night might have discouraged party-goers to go out. Unfortunately, it didn’t daunt us a bit. I brought an umbrella which was really so uncomfortable. Hahaha…

To cut the long story short, boredom almost swept me to insanity. My date was a total bore. Not much of a talker. He was not even my type. Fortunately, well not really as what would happen later in the night, I saw my crush. We talked earlier that day and he told me he wasn’t going out so I was surprised to see him and must I say, happy. But it turned out he was with a date. So I was stuck with my date. Imagine me just staring nowhere while he tried to do some lame dance in front of me.

When my date asked me to the darkroom, I enthusiastically said yes and followed him, holding his hand, while we passed through that dark, sinful but satisfying, smelly with sweat and semen corner of the second floor. Suddenly someone from behind me held my butt tight. Turned out it was my crush. We kissed but the light went on so we had to stop. He left and went to his friends and my date was nowhere to be found.

I saw my date drinking a bottle of beer near the staircase. Apparently, he saw what happened to me in the darkroom. He told me it was okay and that I could hook up with any guy I want around the room. Feeling guilty and all I said I couldn’t do what he just told me because I was on a date with him. But inside me I was hoping he would leave so I could track down my crush and continue what we started. We went downstairs and watched some guy do dirty dancing on the stage. But my eyes were everywhere. I was hoping my crush would pass by. I decided to check my phone which was outside because cellphones weren’t allowed inside for security reasons. When I got back my date was nowhere so I decided to track down my crush. I saw him and we kissed again.

Then he told me I was a fool.

WHY?

My crush and I met Wednesday that same week at the same place. When we parted, he sent me an SMS message telling me he was disappointed because I didn’t kiss him. He confessed that he liked me. Being a player that I am, I made him believe that I like him back. Part of it was truth though. I like him. He’s cute. I just don’t find myself being in a relationship with him.

He obviously had too much to drink that he started pointing fingers to my face blaming me for something I didn’t really understand. Then he left and said he’s be back in a sec. he was gone for like a zillion years and when he did he said he was leaving.

My insides yelled, OUCH! Then I thought, maybe it is Karma!

I busied myself with my last stick.

In hope to rescue my worsening night, I texted a friend (who also confessed he liked me and who was in Malate that night too). But he already left. Then I texted another chatmate who was supposed to meet me after my date and who was with a boring date too in Malate that night. He told me to wait and so I did. But it took like forever so I called him up. He said he’d be there so put off my horns and stayed in my place with lovers all around nibbling, kissing and imagine-what-else.

After like eternity and noticing that the sun was out already, I finally decided to go home.

Outside I bought three sticks of cigarette and a couple of candies and waited for a cab. But everyone else were also waiting for a cab which are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Then I saw my crush, who had just become an asshole, going my way.

You’re going home alone?

Obviously.

That came as an insult, really. Was he expecting me to find someone to take home and have sex with? That moment I realized he had the right to think of me that way. If there’s an asshole in that place, it was me. I tried to hhok up with four guys that night and I went home empty-handed.

On the way home I have done a lot of thinking. I was a total wreck. Karma is fast approaching my way and I could almost feel it touching me.

I have to change. I have hurt so many people in my quest for acceptance, to prove people can like me. And I have been accepted, liked and loved even but I took that all for granted. I don’t even know where love and lust differ. This has to stop.

So that was it, the story that made me want to change, a story that will never be forgotten. I am ashamed, very ashamed. And I am really, really SORRY.

I am gonna be better. I will try my best!