A Date At Last!

Robbie did not make it last night after my shift. He could not go out of the house. It really pissed me off to be honest cause I was really hoping we'd spend the night together in my place. I was rude to him over the phone when he broke the news that he could not get out. I dropped the phone line and headed home on a cab. But after the call I was guilty as hell for doing what I did. I almost cried remembering how he cried when he was saying his sorry. One thing I don't want to see/hear from my lover is for him to cry. I could not take that.

I called him up when I was on the cab and said sorry. He was still weeping. I could hear from his voice and slight sobbing that he really did want to go but the circumstance just won't let him. I apologized and said there'd be next time.

So that "next time" was earlier. Just like yesterday I woke up around 8am and readied because I was gonna pick him up near his house and go to Gateway. I told him I wanted to watch a movie. So we went to the last floor where the cinemas were and then found out that "Ang Pagadadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros" was already showing.

The movie was not quite as I was expecting. It's about a 12-year old boy (gay) who fell in love with a cop. It's complicated and it's real life. Made me feel how unfair life is. Oh well, I was with the love of my life and a time spent with him, however it's spent, is the more important thing.
Hayyyyy....

Today's Been Relatively Great!

Woke up early because I was really excited to see Robbie. We had planned to meet at Gateway around 10am earlier so we could watch Emily Rose (Exorcism) at Gateway before my shift at 4pm. So when I woke up I immediately sent him a message but he did not reply. i get readied anyhow and went to Gateway. I was there around 10:30am and still not a word from Robbie. I tried calling his mobile but I could not get through. I figured his phone might have no battery so I waited. I decided to eat first and afterwhich had coffee at Starbucks (which I kept the reciept for TL Nikki), but still, not a single message from Robbie. I finally decided to go to work eventhough it was only 12:30 in the afternoon.

When I got to work I was hoping Robbie would send me a text message but no! He did not! I finally figured he's not showing up and decided to go online instead and checked my Yahoo! and Friendster. There were like a thousand messages from Yahoo!, a couple of months worth of email. You see I haven't checked my email and other websites for almost two months now. Though I post blog but I do it in the office which is totally prohibited that is why I don't get the chance to check my mail when I'm at work.

So earlier, I went to the 21st floor and found myself one vacant computer. Good thing it was free because I have got one helluva screaming mailbox. I also checked my two Friendster account and there were two messages there from two gorgeous guys saying that they found me cute and all. It didn't matter really. I quite contented with Robbie but I did not want to be a prune and not reply them Of course, I was flattered. So I said thanks. One of then even asked for my mobile number which I readily gave. No hidden intentions though.

After deleting all those messages in my inbox, I check my phone in my locker and there were two messages from Robbie. I went downstairs, lit a cigarette and called him. Apparently he just woke up because he slept late last night. After all the sorry's, I asked him to meet me later after work. I told him I'd pick him up later. He said yes so that's definitely a plan. Unless of course he comes up with some bright reason why he couldn't come. I hope not.

Oh well, today's relatively great. The 13th month pay is already deposited in my iBank account and tomorrow my salary will follow. Hahaha! Shopping time! And I promise myself I'd buy sneakers this time. And also a pair of jeans, or maybe a couple. And tee's as well.
24 days before my birthday! I wonder what my plan will be... Hmmm... One thing's for sure do, I'll celebrate it with Robbie --- my one and only. *mushy!!!

Have You Ever

Have you ever love somebody so much it makes you cry?
Have you ever wanted something so bad you can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right?
Have you ever?

Have you? Well, I have. With Robbie it's that way. It's like I have so much love to give and so much nice things to say but when I start to, words are just not enough to express how I truly feel. It's more than "I love you's" and "I miss you's." It's so much more, something intangible, something spiritual.

You know that feeling when you're so full of love that it drives you nuts at night thinking how you can make your relationship better? God, am I experiencing it now! Every night I find it hard to sleep because Robbie would fill my thoughts with his smile, the way he raises his eyebrow, the way he makes face everytime I say something nice about him, the way he stares at me with the most beautiful eyes in the world. How can one sleep, right?

This is maybe too much of a love but like I said before, I am willing to give everything, to take the risk. Before I wonder If I can really give my life to someone, If i'd be willing to die for someone and everytime it would come to that, I always have had second thoughts. But now I know. I can tell everybody that I am willing to die for Robbie, if circumstances demands it, I will because I love him so much.

*sigh

Can't wait for my next dayoff. We plan to go shopping and watch movies (a lot).
Luv lots Robbie. Mwah!

Period.

So I am here again making the most of my life, trying to earn enough money to be able to live each day and feed my brother's mouth at home. Social life is not that important anymore because I have my boyfriend whom I love so much but I always make it to a point I keep my taste in tune with the "now."
Boring life you may think but I enjoy every bit of it. I know... I know... It has it's ups and down but being the madman that I am, believe it or not, I am able to manage. Firends keep me company; a Saturday of beers and stuff keep me in the flow of the world.
I know I am not much of beautiful sight but hey, at least a guy is inlove me. Or so I'd like to think. He's name is Robbie, my very own baby who I plan to keep for the rest of my life, of course, with his permission. I don't wanna go clingy and all. But he says he loves and I believe him. What happened in the past between us is "the past" and I don't care about it anymore. I love him... PERIOD!!!
But you know what? To be honest, I still have second thoughts about love. I know, you might say I should just be happy and all that I have Robbie. I agree. Robbie is more than I can ask for, asset-wise, if you get my drift. What I am saying is about LOVE, period. I have been hurt so bad before that it made me so pragmatic about it. I don't want to be unfair with Robbie. I love him so sincerely and I am giving him the LAST chance. Read that: LAST CHANCE. He is my last dance partner. Afterwhich I am gonna kiss dating goodbye. Another PERIOD for that. ;p

Call It Mushy If You Will But We’re A Month Old

Inlove…

Whew!
I thought I’d never see Robbie again. But thank God I did. I bet you’re all asking what happened. Well after we went to Subic (as per previous post) Robbie did not text nor call me for three f*cking weeks. I tried calling his friend and when he answered he told me that he lost his phone and that he had so many problems he didn’t want me involved with. So I figured that it will take at most a week. The second week came to pass and I still hadn’t heard from him…

But that is all over now. Last Saturday as I was having coffee with Collin, my ex’s “bf” he texted me saying sorry and everything. So I immediately called him and begged him to see me. After a lot of ‘please’s’ and begging, he finally agreed to meet me. So I went over to his place and we talked and got everything settled. He even agreed to stay overnight in my place.

So today, officially, our relationship is a month old and I am very joyful. I love him so much and I am willing to do anything to make him happy. He will be the last guy I will ever love. And I don’t even look at guys the same way (with intentions) as before. Whenever I am I always think about him.

*SighThis is love and I love every second of it.